Thread: Heartbroken
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Old 10-21-2009, 04:56 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
savingmaggie
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
Sounds like you need to focus on you. You did not cause it....you can not cure it...and you sure can't control it. She may have to suffer the consequences of her drinking....sometimes by taking them back we give them permission in a way to keep treating us poorly.....unless and until SHE sees she may have a problem that is the only way She will recognize it and MAYBE do something about it. But name calling will only serve her to hate herself more and yet another excuse to drink on the weekends.
You should concentrate on you. What makes you happy? What are your goals? What brings you peace? It appears in your post that you spend a great deal of time focusing on her and her words of regret but honestly actions speak louder than words.
There appears a lot of trust has been torn to pieces in this relationship. I have been in your situation and sometimes all the king's horses couldn't put it back together again unfortunately (or fortunately). I actually practiced the No Contact Rule and it really helped me to eventually focus on myself and stop minimizing the damage it had done to me and over time the pain of the break up went away...Trust one thing....you will love again. But one thing I do know...I had to learn that yelling, screaming, barganing, rescuing, only proved to be detrimental to my self esteem and self worth. I always "try" to maintain my dignity and respect of self and others when handling emotional issues now. I try not to be a reactive person and sometimes I may have to say I'll think about what you said and get back to you if I think I am not going to be able to relate to that person in a good way.
One of the best books I ever read is Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie if you read any outside your studies it is worth it....amazing book that helped me and I attend Al anon and that has been amazing also. I am still learning but the journey has been so worth it because I am worth it.

Hope you are doing okay....stay strong and really think about you now.

Maggie
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