Welcome to SR alda.
No one knows this pain i feel inside!
alda trust me when I say that other meth addicts do know the pain you have as well as the fears.
I am not a meth addict, I am a recovering alcoholic so I have no first hand experience with being addicted to meth, but I do have experience in all of the pain of being physically addicted to alcohol, wanting not to drink but having to drink, the self hatred, the shame, the guilt, being absolutley hopeless that I could stop drinking.
I do know all to well the fear of sobriety............. what the heck am I going to do if I am not drinking? Every single thing I did in life revolved around drinking, what the heck was I going to do? Was I just going to sit around bored?
Well it took time, SOBER time before I was able to see that when I was drinking I was doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but drinking, I was not living life, I was to F'ed up to live life.............. I was a DRUNK!!!!! DRUNKS do nothing except drink!
Well once I was sober a while I found that I was able to LIVE live, I had the whole world open to me, I could do anything I wanted to!! I could go any where I wanted to.
Every single thing I did while drinking I did BETTER sober and I remembered what I did the next day!
The amazing thing I found is there is a world full of stuff to do sober that there was no way I could have done DRUNK.
Look I strongly suggest that you speak more with Missybuns, she has walked in your shoes and today she is clean and happy.
Missybuns suggested going to recovery meetings, I beleive she is talking about NA meetings, this is a place where you can meet recovering addicts, they can help you to get and stay clean. If you want what Missybuns has, then perhaps you should do as Missybuns did.