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Old 10-20-2009, 08:50 PM
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Unhappy Meth Addict

Hi everyone!

I'm new here and currently addicted to meth. This is my 1st relapse and quiting is a very very very hard step for me to start. I have tried few times quiting meth but in the end not even a week, here i am again smoking hit by hit of it.

With palms sweating, heart beating fast, anxiety, depression and constant worry about how am i going to face the other side again. Questions and thoughts like, will i survive? am i going to feel paranoid even when i am off from meth? I hate waking up from sleep! No one knows this pain i feel inside! Extreme mood swings, afraid of almost everything, hate being bored and i hate being sober that everything doesnt make sense anymore!

I have been searching for site that might help to give me strenght to face sobrierty again..

I don't know what else i can say here only "HELP!"

Hope & Love,
Alda
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Old 10-20-2009, 09:02 PM
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Congrats on your desire to get clean

Welcome, keep coming back, there is alot of support here while your going through your journey

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Old 10-20-2009, 09:14 PM
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Hi again Alda

I remember that feeling well.

I'm no expert with meth but there are many many posters here who have come through to the other side.

You're not alone. This really is a great place for support and encouragement.

D
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Old 10-20-2009, 11:00 PM
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hello and welcome!

I remember all those things you described. It's all fears. I learned how to face those fears.

However...it will be most difficult to understand while you are still using.

Commit yourself to stopping for at least 90 days...and during that time try some recovery meetings for support. I found that surrounding myself with other recovering addicts was the most effective way to stay clean. I found them in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. If your paranoia and other fears do not subside once you take a serious look into what recovery truly offers, then you can always go back to using. (of course, I don't recommend to go back!)

I was addicted to meth for many years. I have been in recovery for a while now and have not been bored yet! I learned I was mistaking being at peace with boredom.
As my mind and body "slowed down" as I stayed clean, I became so much more at ease with myself and the world around me.

We do recover,
Missy
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Old 10-20-2009, 11:52 PM
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Welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
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Old 10-21-2009, 05:29 AM
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Welcome to SR alda.

No one knows this pain i feel inside!
alda trust me when I say that other meth addicts do know the pain you have as well as the fears.

I am not a meth addict, I am a recovering alcoholic so I have no first hand experience with being addicted to meth, but I do have experience in all of the pain of being physically addicted to alcohol, wanting not to drink but having to drink, the self hatred, the shame, the guilt, being absolutley hopeless that I could stop drinking.

I do know all to well the fear of sobriety............. what the heck am I going to do if I am not drinking? Every single thing I did in life revolved around drinking, what the heck was I going to do? Was I just going to sit around bored?

Well it took time, SOBER time before I was able to see that when I was drinking I was doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but drinking, I was not living life, I was to F'ed up to live life.............. I was a DRUNK!!!!! DRUNKS do nothing except drink!

Well once I was sober a while I found that I was able to LIVE live, I had the whole world open to me, I could do anything I wanted to!! I could go any where I wanted to.

Every single thing I did while drinking I did BETTER sober and I remembered what I did the next day!

The amazing thing I found is there is a world full of stuff to do sober that there was no way I could have done DRUNK.

Look I strongly suggest that you speak more with Missybuns, she has walked in your shoes and today she is clean and happy.

Missybuns suggested going to recovery meetings, I beleive she is talking about NA meetings, this is a place where you can meet recovering addicts, they can help you to get and stay clean. If you want what Missybuns has, then perhaps you should do as Missybuns did.
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Old 10-21-2009, 05:36 AM
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hey welcome to sr alda.
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Old 10-21-2009, 08:13 AM
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Alda we do know how you feel honey. No matter what our drug of choice was we have been where you are! I was on opiates and let me tell you everything you explained I felt the exact same way!! You can do this and you aren't alone with our family here! This is a wonderful site and lots of support and love. Just keep coming back, post and post, ramble, we don't mind at all!!
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Old 10-21-2009, 08:34 AM
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Welcome to SR Alda
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Old 10-21-2009, 08:48 AM
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I agree with the others as well, no matter what your drug of choice was/is, we all know that feeling of "what the hell?" It is horrible. It is hard to put down.

What have you done so far? Have you made any phone calls? There is help out there. If you are willing you can do this and get sober and stay sober.

I'm going to PM you a link that is great for getting resource phone numbers in your area. Hoping that you're here in the states.

You're not alone here, that's for sure. Welcome to SR!! This is a great site for support and experience from others that have been down that road. My best to you!!
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Old 10-21-2009, 08:52 AM
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Old 10-21-2009, 09:16 AM
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Check out the Substance Abuse forum if you haven't yet... Sorry to hear you are struggling I had issues with alcohol and other drugs but there are many who have gone through EXACTLY what you are going through now... and come up on the other side

edit: I see your in KL I'm just down here in singapore I found a link for ya...
Narcotics Anonymous Kuala Lumpur Meetings a list on NA meeting in your town... I hope you find some support...
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Old 01-06-2010, 02:39 AM
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Hey all...

Oh my God..i'm very happy that i have actually got so many replies here..seriously..i feel like crying tears of hope with a sense of happiness..you guys mean alot to me..

I'm feeling very guilty now that i am still where i left behind here before..and again..falling..i have been facing alot of confusion these days that the drug has blinded my will to stay sober..i confess that i got my life back into the hole again..

I have been feeling suicidal and losing hope cause i realise that i am losing everything that means alot to me survive this life..i lost a man who loves me and that he has been there for me trying to get me out from this night mare..yet i fought him back again and again..i was always high..i was always wasted..i never did realise..and now i am involved with another guy (not sure even if we are a couple) whom with we always hang around together getting meth high and having lotsa fun..that i totally lost the connection of what my life was before..drifted away from friends and family..i'm currently broke..by end of this month i'm losing my room that i have been renting it for one year now..and i have no idea where can i find the money to sort all the dept that i have now..losing my car..my home..and what my mind ends up telling me to do is just end this..end this life..

No! I will not give up..like you guys said..no one else can saves us but ourselves..God will always be there listening to our prayers..

But there are times that ending life makes sense..but it would be fair to the people around me who cared..my family and my little cat..who is the only one next to me everytime i come home..i mean..i'm lost...

But things recently slowly comes to tie one knot at a time..then today..i stumble back here in this website..i have forgotten that i had this site saved under my favourites cause i was tyring to see if i can find any source of strenght and energy to pull through this lonely fight here alone in my room..far away from the real world that i hated..that i was trying to run away from..

Here i am..sitting infront of my comp..tears is beggining to flow on my face..help! God! Where should i go now from here? I'm scared..scared to face the day when i wake up from my rest..scared of facing this lifeless body..empty..no dirrection..no meaning..I felt this way when i woke up yesterday..i felt like my name is also gone..so i'm back to square one again..just needed meth now just to keep me going like a normal human being again..

How am i going to wake up feeling normal again..i know it'll take a very long time..and this makes me feel like there is no point to fight sometimes..i've lost everything..

So..here i would like to thank all of your post that gave me this little sense of life again..i hope to keep this in me while i stop being hypocrite..repeatingly telling myself that i will quit this..i will quit this..I want to have that strenght that whenever i say I want to quit..i want to really mean it!

Thanks again guys for all of this! I can slowly see the light that is yet far to reach to....

Please pray for me if you can? Would be much help...=)

Thanks again..

Just me,
Alda
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Old 01-06-2010, 02:41 AM
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Nothing changes if nothing changes Alda.

Please reach out and get some help - doctor, counsellor, NA, rehab - whatever you think will work.

D
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Old 01-06-2010, 06:11 AM
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Welcome to SR alda.
Meth was my drug of choice when I was very young. Needles and the whole bit.
I quit it 25 years ago and from what I ewmwmbwe it was very hard to give up and easy to go back to.
After I reached about 60 days though I remember not wanting to do it again and I haven't.

I quit when the going up was no longer worth the coming down. If you are at that point if you stick to your guns you will be able to beat it.
Good luck.
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Old 01-06-2010, 07:20 AM
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Welcome to SR Alda! You can recover from this, no matter how bleak the perspectives seeem to be at the moment. There has been some good advice in these posts, please reach out for help. Lost of good thoughts going out to you, and take care, S.
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Old 01-07-2010, 01:35 AM
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Welcome to SR.....your words really touched me. I can feel the despair, fear and helplessness in your words. Life does feel so miserable when I am using/drinking......I know for me, when I have drank myself into oblivion for days/weeks/months.....I can share these type of feelings with you. I also know the scared, paranoia that comes from meth.....makes me nauseated at the thought!!

I finally got so sick of me, the addiction and the vicious cycle that I have started a plan for recovery. Day 6 for me.....the fog is clearing and I am feeling stronger and better with my decision to quit drinking!! The best part is I do NOT have to go through this journey alone!!

I read some excellent support on this thread that I hope you take heed. Get to some form of recovery......please!! You ARE worth it!!
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Old 01-07-2010, 08:07 AM
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Welcome to the site. You are in our prayers. I too have danced with that insidious plague that is crystal meth, but I survived, and today I am almost six months clean and sober. Besides myself I have several friends that I ran with when I was active and our paths crossed again through the doors of some recovery programs and they too have recovered from that same plague. I would suggest seeing a doctor. I know for my situation they were able to put me on some brain chemistry rehabilitation drugs along with a healthy dose of some vitamins that I felt had a major impact on my thought patterns. Take care and keep your chin up.
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