Maybe I hit my bottom and that's why he's not at the house anymore. ... yes, I think that's probably it! You reached the very bottom and that's what shook you into deciding you had had enough and had to heal yourself and that only YOU could do this for YOU.
If only the AH could do the same... :-(
He was sober from January till August and says during that time he was sober things didn't change between us. ...this is EXACTLY what my friend has told me of her and her hubby.
It comes across that they are saying that they have tried so hard and yet it has made no difference so, what is the use in trying?
In other words, it's another of their excuses, isn't it? they are using this to rationalise, just as they do so many other "reasons" why they have fallen off the wagon :-(
I can see it. I just have no idea myself how to get through these "excuses" :-(
The sadness could be part of your grieving process. Grieving the loss of a relationship is just as real as grieving the loss of a loved one because of death. Your relationship has suffered a death, so to speak.
...absolutely!!!!
This is what I am dealing with now, with the loss of my friend as I had known her before she fell off the wagon. I have also been there a couple times before, in the past, although the people concerned were not addicted to substances.
I have done a lot of grief support and can recognise that I am now back in the receiving place but because we don't always think of a death as anything other than a physical cessation, I think we are often unprepared for the depth of our emotion in these other instances...
But as Pelican says, it is so very very similar. And the grief path that we walk as a result, is just the same.
********************** veryregretful }}}}}}}}}}}} I recognise that anger and hurt that you mention at the end. The anger that he has left you in this weakened place; and the hurt that he may be tarnishing your name.
The anger, is also a part of the grieving process and in time you will work through this.
And the hurt - well, the only way I can deal with that personally, when similar has happened to me in my life, is to reassure myself that what I don't actually hear, cannot hurt me. Keep away from sources who might relay to you what he says about you. Shut your ears and indeed your mind, to all the things he is or could be saying about you. This may be harder than I'm making it sound, but I do know it's possible.