Veryregretful. I feel your pain over the web and will keep reminding you of what you said you said to me a few days ago about my mother. It was HIS choice.
You are so lucky you have your 2 children who support your decision. Be strong, it may not seem like it now but there are happy days ahead of you.
I lived with a guy about 15 years ago, he drank heavily and took cocaine regularly. My life was one big drama and I resorted to physical violence with him (the only person I ever have). When he was gone there was a void for a while and the calmness just took some adjusting too. It was a change that was unfamiliar but as the days passed by it was like a switch had been turned off and he no longer had a hold over me. Once this switch had been turned off there was no way anyone could force it back on again. It was over. I was sad for a while but then enjoyed the calmness more and more and more.
The very ironic thing is that he called me on Friday afternoon and said that his girlfriend had thrown him out - 7 weeks after giving birth to their 3rd child. I asked why and he said that she thought he was an alkie and that she couldn't love a man like him anymore. I remembered all the pain, upset and anxiety he caused me in our relationship and I realised just how fortunate I was that the switch had turned off for me a long time ago.
You will be fortunate one with a story like mine in the future for someone else that needs to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you have a friend or family member that could come and stay with you for a few days?
BIG HUGS