I understand but here is my issue. My door will always be cracked. I will always have temptation thrown in my face. That is the way my life will be the only way around that and to truely shut the door is to end up crippled. i have to take multiple injections all the time self administered for my RA. There is no other treatment for me. It's bad enough I am living with excruciating pain at the moment because I refuse to take any opiate pain meds right now becasue I want to give it more time. I will end up back on some type of pain killer. That will happen its reality. Here is the thing though. I have learned through experiences how to not want to my Docs and right now I have no desire no want for H or any other drug. My flame for such things is out. Everyone who reads this can say what they want but there are people that can actually just be at the point were they just dont even like it anymore and that is were I am at. I truely just feel pain when I think about any drug. Also people have said try another type of medication or do this or do that. I have been through so many treatments and so many types that trust me when I say this tat there are no other treatments then Auto immunue and opiate prescriptions to help me. So think about this I was hooked on H quit I can get more opiates then you can imagine legaly with very little effort but I choose not too even though I am supposed to taake them I choose not because I quit. For me relapsing was part of my cycle to understand experience everything I needed to to be able to put out my flame of desire for dope. I am at a good place in my life right now on how i feel and react to things and situations. I truely feel free from the grip my addiction has had on me.