Yep the trying to control it can waste years of life, as i shared the other night i remember a time in 2001 when i was standing looking out over the bay in Gib thinking i am in trouble here...i can guarentee if i could go back for a couple of minutes and try and explain the pain i would have in my life over the next 8 years i would tell myself to **** off...so what i would say, to myself back then, is stop trying to control it, get on the bottle first thing in the morning, dont take a day off and you will save yourself a lot of time...get to where the pain becomes too much asap where you will be in a position to actually accept and receive help...
Oh and ffs leave the opposite sex alone, for their sake lol
Good luck:-)