Old 10-18-2009, 08:29 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 10

The good news is that I achieved a person best - three weeks without a drink. My previous record was just over two.

The bad news is that I decided to have another "test" to see if I really had a problem or not. Of course, I failed and I went on a little binge last night.

The good news is that I think I've finally convinced myself that I really have a problem and I need to stop. After a year (probably more) of "tests", its pretty clear to me now that I will fail every time and that I can't drink anymore. It's a difficult concept to accept, but I think I'm there.

Weston is officially a non-drinker...starting now.

But first, I have to back-track my steps last night and find out where I left my credit card. (I can't wait to put this life behind me.)

Thanks for reading.
Weston is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 08:46 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Acceptance is fundamental to maintaining sobriety. Without it you don't really stand a chance.

I am glad I don't have to worry about losing my wallet, keys, cards anymore, but more than that my self-respect which you can't put a price on.

Remember how you feel now when the thought of a drink enters your head in the future and make sure that you have built up enough defences to make sure that you don't give the thought any 'thinking time' in which to grow...

All the best.
NEOMARXIST is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 08:47 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
We Do Recover
ANGELINA243's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
"Acceptance is the answer...." after all. And we don't necessarily have to like something in order to accept it. I too had to test my drinking and ultimately realized I am an alcoholic and there is nothing I can do to undo that. The damage has been done. I can never go back to being a "normal" drinker--although I was one at one time....long ago. YEs, the credit card.....I have lost many a cell phone and credit card when I was out drinking--luckily I got them back each time, but how ashamed/embarrassing it was at the time. Just know that this type stuff doesn't have to continue...all the craziness that comes with drinking. There is a solution. Thanks for posting. Glad you are here.
ANGELINA243 is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 08:52 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
least's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,565
I too did many 'tests' trying to drink normally but always failed. The only way for me is to never drink agan. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sober is the only way for me. Alcohol will kill me, but will make me very sick before it does. And I don't want to be sick anymore.
least is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 09:01 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 9
It took me a long time to realize that I am an alcoholic. I know exactly how you feel. Stay away from the booze!
Nothing is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 09:20 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
sailorjohn's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
sailorjohn is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 09:56 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
The New Me starting 1/11/09
NewMe11109's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
As I've said in a few posts, I actually believe that trying to moderate - and being honest with yourself about your success in meeting you moderation goals - is a very critical step to being willing to accept one's alcoholism. I often tell others that they are well on their way to recovery because they have now learned that moderation doesn't work for them (what I call Step 0 of the 12 steps). So, rather than view it is failure, just view it as you now knowing another thing that doesn't work for you.

Now you can begin a new life -- starting with today.
NewMe11109 is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 11:29 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 10
Thanks for the responses.

Angelina - I like what you said about not having to like something in order to accept it. I think that point has been holding me up for a while. I didn't like thinking of myself as having drinking problem. However, I do have a drinking problem and I need to accept it, deal with it, and move forward.

Neomarxist - I agree 100% with your point about self-respect. Drinking certainly has done some damage to mine over the years. I'm looking to put an end to that.
Weston is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 11:34 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 10
me11109 - I agree. I think I'm there. Moderation did not work for me. I tried and failed numerous times. Abstinence is the goal for me.
Weston is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 11:56 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
where the light is
gravity's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
My acceptance or "moment of clarity" happened on December 17, 2007 after so many benders and failed attempts at moderation.

But my acceptance was two-fold:

1) I can't drink,
2) I need help.

And I had to get help immediately before I could yet again convince myself that my drinking wasn't that bad & I could learn to drink like others.

Best wishes!
gravity is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 12:04 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
mirage's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
I'm just getting to the acceptance part myself. I've spent a lot of years sweeping this under the rug, and just recently it just hit me over the head. I'm not even sure how I got here. While part of me is sad and definitely also feels kind of good to stop fighting it. I don't have a plan...not sure how I'm gonna do this...but at least now I want to do this. It feels like a good place to start.

Best of luck to you...thanks for posting this!
mirage is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 01:01 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
IO Storm
IO Storm's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Woelcome to SR Weston!

It took me a long, long time to admit I was alcoholic...and much longer to "accept"

that fact. There was a difference in the two for me. At first I could not face the

the thought of never drinking again. Then, after so many demoralizing and dangerous

episodes of relapse, I finally admitted again...nd accepted the fact.

I still did not "like" it!

In recovery, however, I learned to wipe "never"..out of my brain and take it one minute,

one hour, then one day at a time.

I go to AA..and have a new, wonderful and free life.

Best wishes and many blessings.
IO Storm is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 01:26 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Congratulations, Weston! I think many of us need to test ourselves, several times, in order to get to the acceptance that you described. I just got there myself and I am quite amazed at the lengths I went to before getting here.

Acceptance is a wonderful feeling. The battle is over! No point trying to make alcohol work in your life anymore. It didn't work for me, either. And that is just the facts! Now I'm excited about moving on and living my life again.

Congrats on this positive step forward!

traderjane is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 01:29 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
Hevyn's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,252
"I can't wait to put this life behind me." How I wish I'd said those words to myself decades ago, Weston - but no, I had to keep "testing" myself over & over, until the final test almost did me in. It has been many years since drinking was a fun thing for me. I don't know why it took so long to admit it, and to see if I could be happier without it (ya think?). I stubbornly held on to the memory of the few times I enjoyed it and wasn't out of control. I never recreated those times, not once.

We're glad you're here with us, and wish you many happy, healthy years without the poison to bring you down. You don't need it.
Hevyn is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 01:48 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Yep the trying to control it can waste years of life, as i shared the other night i remember a time in 2001 when i was standing looking out over the bay in Gib thinking i am in trouble here...i can guarentee if i could go back for a couple of minutes and try and explain the pain i would have in my life over the next 8 years i would tell myself to **** what i would say, to myself back then, is stop trying to control it, get on the bottle first thing in the morning, dont take a day off and you will save yourself a lot of time...get to where the pain becomes too much asap where you will be in a position to actually accept and receive help...

Oh and ffs leave the opposite sex alone, for their sake lol

Good luck:-)
yeahgr8 is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 02:03 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Interesting point you make yeahgr8.

I feel "fortunate" (probably not the correct term!haha!) that I got to the stage that i did at my age ie- drinking upon waking and not being able not to, drinking super-strength (tramp-juice) at 7.30AM from the conershop in the pouring rain to kill hangover and satisfy intense cravings and basically being a total round the clock alcoholic once I had taken a drink. The only part i had yet to come was the 24/7 dependance and I don't think i would have made it that far tbh. Add to that the fact that I used to use sh*t-loads of drugs on my binges and was powerless over drugs also once I had taken a drink and you get complete and utter emotional/mental collapse upon comedown/withdrawal/hangover.

I couldn't have gone much lower and thus I am grateful for that as I still have chance to turn my life around whilst feeling like i milked drink/drugs for every little last drop of goodness.

Grateful to be sober
NEOMARXIST is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 02:19 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
joedris's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
As I read your posts I envy all of you. If I had accepted my alcoholism when I was as young as most of you are now, my life would have been a lot different. But unfortunately, that didn't happen. So today I have to be thankful that although I was a little late, I finally got it. And neo, you owe me a response.
joedris is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 05:41 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
I'm actually not that young to be getting this I'm 45. I think we all get it at different ages/stages. I didn't hit rock bottom, but I hit *my* rock bottom (as far as I was willing to go.) I never once drank in the morning to relieve a hangover and I didn't need to do that in order to know I didn't want to live like this anymore.

I spent most of my 30's totally sober. This is because I was having children and was consumed with being pregnant, nursing, taking care of babies, etc.

The strange part is that I'm not regretting how long it took me to figure this out. It happened when it was supposed to happen for me and not a moment before. There were times in my life when I enjoyed drinking, but at some point they became few and far between -- I can't pinpoint exactly when -- to the point where the good times diasppeared and were replaced by private hell on Earth. Maybe I'm a little too zen these days, but I feel that everything that happened to me had meaning and purpose and I am who I am today because of it all -- the good, the bad and the ugly!
traderjane is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 05:50 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
everything is already ok
nogard's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,748
Welcome Weston

Without acceptance I am gone baby gone - I love acceptance
nogard is offline  
Old 10-19-2009, 12:39 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
vegibean's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Hey Weston. Happy that you're coming to terms, BUT I have to throw this out there because you said it............

"non-drinker" ??? Are we having a time trying to say what we really mean? I am saying this with a fun poke at your side.

Good luck on your journey, my very best wishes to you!!
vegibean is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:41 PM.