God loves me, and thanks Tazman for saying you love me too.
In AA we say "We will love you until you learn to love your self!"
In AA we do not shoot our wounded, we say "Welcome back, we are glad to have you!"
Every time I hear of some one getting drunk and coming back here or to AA it helps me to stay sober as well as many others. I do not need to wonder "Gee I wonder if I drank that new brand of beer they come out with if I could handle it after 3 years sober?"
Today I will go back and start my 90 meetings in 90 days, and begin to look for a sponsor.
Why not ask a lady to be your temporary sponsor? That way you can test drive her without an obligation! LOL
I am not hopeless.
No you are not, nor is any one else that is still breathing, I heard a guy that was in the early stages of wet brain speak at a meeting, he had been sober 3 years, this man took it almost to far!!!!
I feel like a failure, and unloveable.
Lord do I recall that feeling like it was yesterday.... Today I thank God for feeling that way, because that was a part of my surrender, I hated myself, I was full of shame and guilt, I wanted to die yet I was scared of death!
I need the answer,
Well I found a solution that has worked for me and several million others, it was a combination of the fellowship & the steps of AA. The path was not easy, parts of it I fought tooth and nail, but there were people supporting me and loving me the whole way, and I finally just stopped fighting it and I did it!!!!
It amazes me to this day, I won my battle against alcoholism by surrendering.
Of course if you think about it.... when one surrenders where do they go? Well they go over to the winning side and become a part of them.
I fought alone for so many years and kept getting my butt kicked and handed back to me, I finally surrendered to the way that so many other alcoholics have found long term sobriety and we stay sober together!!!!
Hang tough, pray, go to meetings, CALL people when you need to, just be willing to do what ever it takes.
Stop fighting and ask other recovering alcoholics how they stay sober, take thier hand and let them lead you down the path. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!