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Old 10-13-2009, 08:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Can't hold on to sobriety


Back to Day 1, enough said.

Wanted to ask, I notice I get extremely HYPER right before a relapse? Does that make sense to anyone?
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Old 10-13-2009, 08:57 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hyper or anxious? Anxiety can be a trigger.
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Old 10-13-2009, 09:01 AM   #3 (permalink)
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A relapse happens in the mind, way before it engages the mouth.
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Old 10-13-2009, 09:10 AM   #4 (permalink)
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So yesterday was a great day.
Hugely productive, cleaning out an attic. I was feeling great.
Sober, and healthy
I went food shopping, donated clothes, decorated the house for Halloween.
right around 5 p.m.
I knew I was going to drink.
Maybe anxious knowing I had to go back to work?
I was really super hyper. I drove to the liquor store and bought a bottle of wine.
I made dinner for my family and a friend.
They were drinking outside, in the garage, as they are working on a motorcycle.
I hid the bottle and drank inside, as I always do.
by 9 p.m. I was smashed.
On the way to the liquor store, I argued with myself. All the way there, don't do it, don't do it. but I did
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Old 10-13-2009, 10:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
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at the end of the day the only person that can stop you drinking is you

when i first stopped drinking the anxiety was so bad i thought i was going crazy (or crazier)

but i never drank

i thought i felt like i was marooned on a desert island i felt so lonely but i never drank

as an sr friend said the answer to the problem even though its so very hard to do is painfully simple

just dont drink .... just for one minute at a time thats how every one who managed to stay sober did it

one minute at a time there are no short cuts and no easy ways out
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Old 10-13-2009, 04:30 PM   #6 (permalink)
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hi ladyb

I don't want to beat you down but the folks here have got good advice...

my recovery started when I realised drinking could no longer be a viable option...ever.

when I 'knew' I was going to drink one day, I did everything I could not to - sat here on SR, didn't leave the house, I'd have even gone to a meeting if that was an option...

Staying sober takes commitment, and a good deal of work - it's not easy, but the effort is worth it, believe me

D
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Old 10-13-2009, 05:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi lady. Well, at least you're on Day One again, not off on a weeks-long binge. That's progress.

I repeated that same scenario dozens of times over the years. Until the day I came to the realization - as Dee points out - hey, I can't drink. At all. Not ever. OK, I get it.... (Only took me 20 yrs! Bet you won't be that foolish.)
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Old 10-13-2009, 07:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm joining you on Day 1 today too lady....

I've had too many day 1's lately...but I'm in pretty bad shape right now, and it's time again to smarten up here.

12 hours since my last drink,,,,been puking all day, absolutely nothing will stay down...

The solution is so painfully obvious...just don't drink...but it's hard.
The next 36 hours or so for me will be quite painful, but I'm really looking forward to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel by maybe Thursday.....

I don't want to ever fee like this again. Over and over again, i've been messing up.....it's just getting worse and worse, the withdrawls are getting worse every time for me...the benders are getting longer,,,,it's just not worth it anymore...

I know exactly how you feel, Ladyb, as do most of us here...

Lets hope we both get it right this time...
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Old 10-13-2009, 07:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Stress is the number one cause of relapse. From your previous posts it appears your life is one big stress pot. If you're really interested in what causes relapse, I recommend a book by Terence Gorski And Merlene Miller entitled Staying Sober. But a more immediate solution would be to go to AA meetings. You indicated that at one point you were, but I'd hazard a guess that you've stopped attending. And in your situation I feel that Alanon would also be helpful. You need the support that these programs offer.You need to learn how to deal with life without the cruch we alcoholics use - the bottle. And if you stick to these programs, eventually you'll gain a feeling serenity and the hyper behavior will become a distant memory.
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Old 10-14-2009, 01:10 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I a in the same boat. Back on day one again. No excuses just lack of will power.
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Old 10-14-2009, 05:46 AM   #11 (permalink)
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TheLadyb I spent years going through what you are going through right now, sometimes I would get really anxious, discontent, & irratable and thought I would go nuts if I did not have a drink, so I decided to drink...... other times I would swear for the thousandth time I will not drink today and find myself popping a top as I was backing out of 7-11.

I spent the last 5 years of my drinking not drawing a sober breath spending the majority of my time alone in my garage drinking and hating myself.

How did I stop and STAY stopped?

Well the very first thing I did was I surrendered!!!! I surrendered to the fact that I had no idea how to stay stopped and I had actually been at the point for 5 years where I was incapable physically to even go a single day without a drink!

Once I surrendered to the fact that I did not know how to get or stay sober I saw a doctor who put me into medical detox.

You see I had finally started to be willing!

I was willing to do what ever it took to get and to stay sober!

Are you willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober?

If you are then the first thing you should really do is see a doctor and be TOTALLY HONEST with the doctor. You may need to be medically detoxed.

After I got out of detox I followed thier suggestion in detox which was "If you want a CHANCE to stay sober go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.

Well my track record proved to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had no clue as to how to STAY sober, so when I went to AA and I got a sponsor I followed his suggestions in how he stayed sober. Why? Because he knew how to stay sober and I did not!

He told me to make sure I called at least 3 people in AA every day, just to say hello or what ever. I did just that. Guess what? When ever a drink started to even seem like a good idea when I called some one and told them that, in a matter of minutes that urge was gone.

I had to want to NOT drink SO BAD that I was willing to do ANYTHING to NOT drink! Are you at that point yet?

I am not saying what I am saying to be mean, I am saying it because as a fellow alcoholic I love you and I know what it took for me to stay sober, and it took a whole lot more then just my will power alone to stay sober.

Yes it did take will power on my part to follow the suggestions of others who knew how to stay sober, but every one of them did not stay sober alone!

I can not stay sober, but WE can.
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Old 10-14-2009, 07:20 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by spen71 View Post
I a in the same boat. Back on day one again. No excuses just lack of will power.
If you think willpower is the cure for alcoholism, I encourage you to keep trying it.

The first thing I did to recover was give up on willpower. I tried for years and it didn't work for me. Instead, I became willing to take a bunch of seemingly stupid actions called the 12 Steps. Seemed like a bunch of dumb stuff, I didn't believe in God, blah blah blah, but the willpower thing wasn't working for me.

So I admitted I had no clue about how to get and stay sober. And I asked those that had been successful for a long time. I did what they did, and I've been successful for a long time.

Best of luck to you. Please let me know if I can be of any help.
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Old 10-14-2009, 07:52 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Tazman and everyone,
Today is Day 2 and the question is, What am I willing to do TODAY to stay Sober, as tomorrow, the urge will knock...Today I will go back and start my 90 meetings in 90 days, and begin to look for a sponsor. All is possible...I am not hopeless. God loves me, and thanks Tazman for saying you love me too. Because, I feel like a failure, and unloveable. I needed all of your words today. I need the answer, and I keep searching and buying things, and accupunture. But the answer is within myself...and I have to reach down and make a commitment to me AND GO TO AA MEETINGS. I see in those meetings what I am searching for, but I don't know how to achieve it, so I give up. But my aha moment is that the only way to get where I want to be in in AA....

I will let you know if I progress,,,,,instead of just complaining when I don't
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Old 10-14-2009, 11:01 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Day 11 here and I'm a mess just because of anxiety and other things in my life. I drank 8 yrs straight. But things will get better I know because I quit before for 10 years. I would rather die not drinking than Being a drunk. I'm not returning to this hell hole, I'm done!

Stay strong,

Ron
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Old 10-15-2009, 08:48 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi Lady B....

You are recognizing how your body and mind are working up to get you craving
that drink.

So, maybe now, you can do something different when you start to feel that way. Call someone, come here, hit a meeting, go for a walk, whatever will keep you from taking that first drink...

Keep on keeping on...we are all here for you!
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Old 10-15-2009, 09:28 AM   #16 (permalink)
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God loves me, and thanks Tazman for saying you love me too.
In AA we say "We will love you until you learn to love your self!"

In AA we do not shoot our wounded, we say "Welcome back, we are glad to have you!"

Every time I hear of some one getting drunk and coming back here or to AA it helps me to stay sober as well as many others. I do not need to wonder "Gee I wonder if I drank that new brand of beer they come out with if I could handle it after 3 years sober?"

Quote:
Today I will go back and start my 90 meetings in 90 days, and begin to look for a sponsor.
Why not ask a lady to be your temporary sponsor? That way you can test drive her without an obligation! LOL

Quote:
I am not hopeless.
No you are not, nor is any one else that is still breathing, I heard a guy that was in the early stages of wet brain speak at a meeting, he had been sober 3 years, this man took it almost to far!!!!

Quote:
I feel like a failure, and unloveable.
Lord do I recall that feeling like it was yesterday.... Today I thank God for feeling that way, because that was a part of my surrender, I hated myself, I was full of shame and guilt, I wanted to die yet I was scared of death!

Quote:
I need the answer,
Well I found a solution that has worked for me and several million others, it was a combination of the fellowship & the steps of AA. The path was not easy, parts of it I fought tooth and nail, but there were people supporting me and loving me the whole way, and I finally just stopped fighting it and I did it!!!!

It amazes me to this day, I won my battle against alcoholism by surrendering.

Of course if you think about it.... when one surrenders where do they go? Well they go over to the winning side and become a part of them.

I fought alone for so many years and kept getting my butt kicked and handed back to me, I finally surrendered to the way that so many other alcoholics have found long term sobriety and we stay sober together!!!!

Hang tough, pray, go to meetings, CALL people when you need to, just be willing to do what ever it takes.

Stop fighting and ask other recovering alcoholics how they stay sober, take thier hand and let them lead you down the path. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
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Old 10-15-2009, 11:10 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Your post prompted me to think about what the difference was between all the Day One's before my last Day One, 6 years ago.

For me, the difference was acceptance. I finally accepted the fact that I could not drink and be sane. On the other Day One's, I knew I needed to not drink, but there it was more intellectual, and I was fighting it. I finally quit fighting the reality that I can't drink and be happy. Not to say that there weren't temptations, but I know these aren't real options for me.

Welcome back. You can do it.
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