Originally Posted by
keithj 
OK, catch, sorry if I sounded harsh. I just assumed, maybe mistakenly, that you weren't satisfied with the relapses.
I have a little trouble relating to it. Everytime I managed to string together a few months (it wasn't often), and then started drinking again, it was a nightmare. It didn't end quickly and it did lots of damage. I'd be off and running until I got arrested usually. The occasional relapse really wasn't an workable option for me.
well, obviously I'm not "happy" with the relapses. I'd rather not relapse, but over these years I've learnt that I can recover easily from them and I accept them as a part of the recovery process. I know this goes against AA's philosophy, but I don't really follow AA... I'm more of a Tao person...
I've grown up a lot in the last 5 years... I have understood lots of things. I've come close to lose my family and I know I have done irreparable damage. But I have also learnt how to manage the occasional relapse. It's not the end of the world. The most important thing for me is to have the believe that - one day - hopefully very soon - I can be continously free of alcohol. That's my ultimate goal. In the meantime, I'll keep doing some growing up. I'm very happy about myself at the moment. I'm off anti-depressants and I stopped smoking... I can't quite beat the beast completely yet, but it's just matter of time...