Originally Posted by ashleek

You know I love you X but I gotta disagree! I am new to recovery and I hope to God I don't relapse. I feel like I don't want to be that person I was again and maybe it's too early for me to being saying this stuff cause I may eat my words but this is how I feel.

I know damn good and well I am an addict. I know if I put another pill up my nose it won't just be one time, I will be right back in detox again bc I can't just do one. One is never enough! So, maybe I get it before other people because I have been around addicts, I am well educated on addiction, I live my life constantly thinking about recovery. I remind myself where I was and how I don't want to go back there. I have a beautiful two year old son that I have missed so much and he has been right here in front of me the whole time but I'd rather be high than play with him.

I don't need to relapse to know I am addict. Maybe I just get it sooner than some do. Now do I think I will never relapse? I know I could tomarrow no matter how straight I have my head on my shoulders. I love sobriety, I haven't felt this great in such a long time. I laugh for Godsakes! I smile, I am the old me that is stupid crazy and break out in dance to the music in my head. I've always been the outgoing crazy azz person and I lost that person when I was using. I love me and I never want to hate me again.