I spent so many years trying to get HIM to do what I wanted, I lost sight of what I wanted. If you would have asked me in the last years of my marriage what I wanted, I would have been dumbfounded. All I wanted was for him to do what I wanted. I couldn't have even told you what my favorite color or food was without considering what his choice might be. I literally lost myself.
I don't think I could have honestly considered what I wanted from a relationship at that point. All I wanted was for him to do the right thing, according to me.
Having been away from that and growing for almost 4 years, I have to say that what I want is to find my calling. I'm exploring what matters to me and discovering slowly that I have something unique and special to contribute to society and humanity. This is what has been missing all these years. It's the 'hole in my soul' I was trying to fill with a partner.
Having learned that, I would honestly say that what I want from a relationship is
1) someone who shares these ideas and is searching for their own calling
2) someone who is capable of supporting and enhancing that quest in me, even if it doesn't benefit them
3) someone who is unafraid to pursue their own calling, even if it means we part ways
4) someone who can communicate with me about all the above
I believe we need relationships in our lives because we are social creatures. I do not believe that we should sacrifice our soul's desires in order to have a relationship. It should be the other way around.
L