Jehnifer, thank you for this thread. This is something I have been thinking about for the first time in my 51 years. Better late than never, I guess!
I do know I want to feel safe. I'm ok with being self-sufficient, but I want to know that if I fall down, someone is there to pick me up. Now I realize that I want to also have a close, warm relationship with my AH. Otherwise, I might as well be alone.
I believe my low expectations are a by-product of growing up in an alcoholic home. I accepted emotional distance as being ok, because that was how I survived as a kid.