What's Important to You?
Still doing the work...Marriage counseling, reading the books the therapist recommended, and planning to have some discussion with my husband this weekend. But I need some insight from you all. If this question has already been posed here before just post the link and I will read the responses.
I know my husband has identified the things he wants or expects from me in the relatinoship. And he has communicated these to me. But I don't really have much of anything in mind about what "I" want in return. He has mentioned this in the therpay - that he doesn't know. And after reading some stuff last night I find myself this morning really trying to understand myself, my needs and wants in the relationship. Is it that I really dont know what a relationship is? Only when I understand things better internally can I then express them communicate them to my husband. But I am careful not to create expectations.
But the truth of the matter is...I don't expect much from anybody. I don't ask people for much and I don't look to them for things. Call me self-sufficient! The only thing I can think of at this time that I would "like" from my husband is that he treat me nicely - that is, don't criticize (me or my kids) or get angry at me or turn against me. I would also "like" for him to be happy, that he find ways to rise above a bad mood and have a better outlook on life. But the treating me nicely thing is probably the only important thing to me right now.
A friend told me yesterday that I have set my bar way too low. That I deserve better. That in a relationship - or a marriage - there should be more. More than just don't reject me. Honestly, I am really hard pressed for what that would mean. And don't know how to go about identifying what those things should be. I know what I like to do for others I care about: thoughtful gestures, listening about thier lives, being there to encourage and support. Just "being there" in my heart is the best gift I can give others.
So my question is: in your marriage or relationships...what things make you feel loved, fulfilled and content with the relationship? thank you.