Originally Posted by
Kablume 
Cold day here. First real frost. I was sitting here this morning with my coffee contemplating my son's situation. He is 29, just moved back here from CA. He is living rent free with a friend until Nov. Has no job. I just bought him winter clothes. I tried to talk to him yesterday on Facebook and apparently he didn't want to talk. Today I am starting to get an attitude and had to stop right there. A thought came to me. Give him to God. So that's what I have done. It was easier to let go when he lived in CA and I had no idea how he was living and what he was doing. It sucks when its your kids and you want the best for them and they are struggling. And he is always struggling. But a lot of it was his own making. His sister who is younger and married has a great job and lives a pretty good life.
Any wisdom out there on how you let go of things or people?
Wisdom on letting go of our adult children? That's a hard one to tackle Kablume. I have for adult boy.....young men of my own. It's not so much letting go where our children are involved as it is accepting that they are going to have to learn many things the hard way no matter how hard we try and prevent it. As we alcoholics know enabling us only prevents us from going through the pain that wakes us up and gets us moving in a more healthy direction. There is a reason for physical pain, it's the bodies warning system that something is wrong and action is required, the same holds true for emotional pain. We often have to feel it before we act. Understand that it is his hardships that are the best opportunity for him to change for the better, when the pain is sufficient we find growth. The reality is for some of us the pain we put ourselves through is not as much a bad thing as it is a necessary thing. If he is like my young men, he wants to be treated like an adult, so treat him like one. You will always be his parent, that will never change or go away. A shifting of perception of what is best for him will bring growth for both of you. What people call "tough love" is actually much more tough on the parents but it is in fact real love.
I am speaking from first hand experience Kablume. A little story I haven't shared with anyone before: When my 17 year old son ran away from were the verge of complete unrelenting despair. It was as if a black cloud was over us 24/7. I assume it was his age, being so close to 18 that the police did nothing. None of his "friends" new where he was and no one helped us to find him. The shear desperation of putting up missing posters of our son around the city put me in a numb, surreal state of shock like waking up from a bad nightmare only to find your still in one. "This can't be happening to me". I was angry at the world for the lack of understanding and the caring, hurting, terrified desperation in my wife's eyes and tears combined with her will to find him was killing me inside. The way we found him.....I don't even really want to think about this anymore.
As you know being a parent has it's moments Kablume. Trust and faith in God as you have already said you are doing has given me peace where calamity and drama once where. My prayers are with you from one parent to another. Trust and know that everything will be alright. He will come out of his struggles just as we have. If we can do it so can our boys......Men.
PS my 17 year old son is now 21, still struggling but alive and well.