Queenie, I had read some of your story and had definitely related to what you have been through. And yes, it's so easy to get wrapped up in how messed up you must be if you're behaving badly, being jealous and getting angry. I'm becoming more and more conscious of the fact that I was behaving in these ways because I was involved in a very unhealthy dance with him. It was a very alluring thing for me to be with him - he's incredibly charming and intelligent - but I wasn't getting much of what I need in a relationship and I wasn't being clear and honest with myself. I'm not very good at stepping back from my feelings of infatuation and looking after myself. Much to learn...
Anyway, thanks for your support.