Originally Posted by
Free108 
Hi Everyone.
I found this forum while googling for info' on alcoholism.
3 weeks ago, my boyfriend suddenly ended our relationship. We had been together for over a year, we had recently moved in together and we were, I thought, very much in love. I had been becoming concerned because after moving in together, it became hard to ignore the fact that he was drinking every single night, usually about 4 or 5 beers and a few glasses of wine. Our bedroom smelled like alcohol fumes most mornings. I started expressing some concern, but he never said "yes, I know I have a problem". He would usually just say that he knows that he's been stressed out lately and that he had been using booze to de-stress. He runs a night club, so there's a lot of it around... I just said, well, I hope you can deal with it. But I was also starting to complain about other things. He gets up really late, due to his job and I felt that that left little room for a relationship, especially if he was hungover. I also started feeling jealous about all sorts of things - other women, how he prioritizes his time, partying after work. I basically became the bummer in the relationship.
Finally, one day after a fight, he just blew up and told me he was done. That I was jealous and controlling and that he didn't want to live like that. He moved out of the house within a couple of days and never turned back.
He is apparently now really enjoying his life and things are much better for him, I hear through the grapevine.
I'm completely horrified and reeling.
The fact that he's HAPPY and functional hurts like hell, especially in comparison with the state that I'm in.
I feel such betrayal. I even feel jealous when I read some of the posts on here about people dating alcoholics who are sorry for what they've done and at least making promises to their loved ones, even if they are not capable of living up to them. I know that sounds terrible, but I'm just sitting here with my head spinning, looking up Al-Anon meetings and paying for therapy, feeling completely abandoned by the man I was building my life with.
Thanks for any wisdom you might be able to share.
hi free! welcome to SR!
it sounds like we have very similar situations - i myself was kicked out of the house, strung along and dumped by xabf because, in his words, i was just a "jealous, selfish, angry person." HAH!
i'll admit, i had some jealous (snooping through his email) and angry (throwing a remote and accidentally breaking a tv) behaviors, but as i move further and further from the situation, i've realized i felt these things because i allowed myself to trust an untrustworthy person, i betrayed something in myself that told me to run from day 1.
chances are, his happiness and functionality are just an illusion. he's progressing further into the disease.
posting at SR has really helped me, as well as reading: my recommendations are
Codependent No More and
Women Who Love Too Much. everyone here has great insight and experience to share with you and it's helped me out SO MUCH through this painful time. keep posting and working through things, you can do it!
:ghug3