justtakestime--
The very fact that this man frightens you and threatens you and your friends--isn't that all the reason you need to find a way to limit contact with him? Forever? I know you have to deal on some level because of kids but....that can be severely limited.
Have you accepted that he knows he is scaring you? That he knows he is using the threat of violence and verbal abuse to try and control you? And if you have accepted that as true, what are your options - since we all know we cannot change another person?
I agree with Give about getting some helping hands involved -- maybe its time to get a lawyer involved and make this a legal separation with some enforcable legal boundaries.
Scared and controlled by a bullying bigot is no way to live! You have a right to the life you want to live - but it will not just happen by itself - so build yourself some suitable armor and fight the good fight.
Sending you a shot of courage and strength--
peace-
b