Here I go again.......

Old 10-10-2009, 07:26 AM
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Ohhhhhh.......now I get it....
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Question Here I go again.......

Well, the AH was calm this week. No threats, no crazy phone calls, no arguements, no tempers........ until last night........

I have a friend of 8 years...she is amazing, always there when I need her, does things fun with me and my kids, has bought groceries when my AH wasn't working, watches the kids for me, helps me get them where they need to go.....etc. etc......... She hates my AH and he hates her which makes it very difficult for me. She has seen the things that he has done to me since we have been friends, the way he has treated me and the kids....She has always been my support when things were tough and ............she is a lesbian. I don't care, the kids don't care........but the AH?????? HE CARES!!!!!!
He has told me that he DOES NOT want her around the kids or he will take them away from me, I kinda just blew it off. He has expressed multiple times how much he can't stand her and vice versa.

Last night my AH came to my apartment to pick up our daughter for the weekend. Well, my son has the flu and yesterday he wanted some grits and I didn't have any money or butter. So I went and got some butter from my friend, I had my daughter with me and I didn't even get out of the car. Well after he left last night I went to bed because I work 16 hour shifts on the weekend. He calls me at 115 in the morning throwing a fit because apparently he asked our daughter what she did today and she told him that we went and got butter from my friend....well that was it!!!!! He shows up at my apartment throwing a fit that I needed to either pick divorce or him, and that he told me to stay away from her and to keep his kids away from my "Dike" friend....UGH!!!! And that he was gonna get a restraining order on her....FOR WHAT????? Then he wants to know if shes at work so he can go "Whip her a**!!!!" He says, "If she wants to act like a man, I'm gonna treat her like a man." I get him calmed down and make him promise me that he isn't gonna hurt her and he goes home. I, once again, for the second weekend in a row, am at work......exhausted mentally and emotionally because of him.

A piece of me wants to just give up the fight and let him back in.......
A piece of me wants to say NO and mean NO. NO as a one word sentence. But I guess I'm Chicken Sh**!!! Why can't I do it???
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Old 10-10-2009, 07:35 AM
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.......so you feel your choice regarding this hateful, violent, self-centered man who insists on controlling your friendships and your life is:

Get him out of your life, or take him back?

Do I have that right?

I would be asking myself this: (and I have, in past relationships) Is there something about this man that you think will be in any way good for you, your happiness, or your children? Do I want my son to turn out like this man, vicious, selfish, and intolerant?

There is a third option: Refuse to discuss this with him any more, and get some rest so you can think clearly.

Good luck
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Old 10-10-2009, 07:36 AM
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Ohhhhhh.......now I get it....
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I know. I'm scared.....I'm scared of what he will do.
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Old 10-10-2009, 07:41 AM
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What do you think that would be? Worst case scenario?

How can you use lawyers, family, friends, and womens' help professionals to help keep you and your children safe? There are a lot of people out there who wish to help you, including your friend.

(I live my life on that creed: prepare for the worst, but expect the best)
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Old 10-10-2009, 08:46 AM
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justtakestime--
The very fact that this man frightens you and threatens you and your friends--isn't that all the reason you need to find a way to limit contact with him? Forever? I know you have to deal on some level because of kids but....that can be severely limited.

Have you accepted that he knows he is scaring you? That he knows he is using the threat of violence and verbal abuse to try and control you? And if you have accepted that as true, what are your options - since we all know we cannot change another person?

I agree with Give about getting some helping hands involved -- maybe its time to get a lawyer involved and make this a legal separation with some enforcable legal boundaries.

Scared and controlled by a bullying bigot is no way to live! You have a right to the life you want to live - but it will not just happen by itself - so build yourself some suitable armor and fight the good fight.

Sending you a shot of courage and strength--
peace-
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Old 10-10-2009, 09:41 AM
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I think you need to let your friend know that he has threatened to physically harm her.
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Old 10-10-2009, 10:06 AM
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Originally Posted by justtakestime View Post
I know. I'm scared.....I'm scared of what he will do.
That's exactly what this person needs from you; to be scared. Because fear paralyzes us. And oh, how easy it is to CONTROL someone when they are paralyzed.

Your friend has NOTHING to do with why he is acting this way. I think you are being held hostage by your fear, this person's TERRORISM , and therefore, HIM.

Un-Paralyze Yourself and Run The Hell Away.
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Old 10-11-2009, 10:52 AM
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Ohhhhhh.......now I get it....
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Well, last night was quiet. I went to bed after I got off of work...thought about ya'lls advice and getting lots of advice from my mom. It's funny because mom use to be one that wanted me to hold on, pray and try to give him time for God to work on him....but now she's sick and tired of it!!!!!! She is concerned about my health and my safety and my happiness.

Well this morning I get several phone calls from him but I don't answer and I get several texts but I don't respond. One of them made me just cry, it said "It will be okay. For the first time in my life I can honestly say that. I love you very much!!"

I cried and cried, believing him for a split second.........and then I get a text from him that was intended for his alcoholic "friend" that is a girl that they spend quite alot of time together............ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That helped me soooooooooooooooooooo much!!!! I texted him back and told him not to send me his "girlfriends" texts. Now he is blowing up my phone....."call me please" "are you mad" blah blah blah.........

What a dumba**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:rotfxko:rotfxko:
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Old 10-11-2009, 11:53 AM
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Geez, what is with alcoholics and having multiple women in their lives? Isn't it exhausting?
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Old 10-11-2009, 12:58 PM
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Ohhhhhh.......now I get it....
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HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! I know, I talked to him and he says "She's just a friend....I'm sorry....It won't happen again.....blah blah bla BLAH!!!!!!!

And I say.......


HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
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Old 10-11-2009, 01:17 PM
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Let her have him! And good luck to the both of them.
Who needs this drama in their life - I sure hope not you takestime!!!

More will be revealed........

peace & stay strong,
b
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Old 10-11-2009, 01:52 PM
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My AH does/did the "just a friend" BS all the time. OVER IT!!!
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Old 10-11-2009, 02:51 PM
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So did mine...guess who moved in with him once he got his own place?!! I kick myself for believing him and trusting him for so long but she has been a blessing in disguise for me.
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Old 10-11-2009, 02:53 PM
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I have prayed a million times that AH would just leave me for another woman...it would make things so much easier for me.
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Old 10-11-2009, 03:08 PM
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Mellane, it's funny, I used to think that too...until it happened.
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Old 10-11-2009, 03:15 PM
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I have also prayed that he dies, prayed that he got seriously injured while drunk...

and then wonder why I am praying so hard for someone else's demise...
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Old 10-11-2009, 03:38 PM
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I have done that too Mellane.....lots of times!!!!!!!
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Old 10-11-2009, 03:43 PM
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I just can't stop giggling about it!!!!!!!!!!!! Is that bad??????
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Old 10-11-2009, 04:21 PM
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Quote(I just can't stop giggling about it!!!!!!!!!!!! Is that bad??????))

Bad? Hell NO! When you get such a wonderful opportunity as he gave you, laugh as much as you want. For all his blather about your friend, and how HE will do this or that to fix her etc, when it comes down to it, he even gets his women mixed up. DUH!!!

I would warn your friend, and also get your lawyer into it pronto.
Perhaps your lawyer could send AH a letter giving him the legal ramifications of any further menaces or threats to you and her.

If he continues to rant and rave, tell him you will get onto the police and further legal action, which would impact on his access to the kids. After all, the courts would not be impressed with his comments and may take it as showing his lack of self control, his bully boy behavior, and anger problems. Not considered as good qualities for being around children.

God bless
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Old 10-31-2009, 10:46 AM
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Ohhhhhh.......now I get it....
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Hi everyone!!! I haven't been on in a few weeks, been really busy and haven't had TOO much drama. lol I really would like anyone and everyone's opinions on something....if you are a man, woman, addict, alcoholic, sober, in recovery, spouse...ANYONE!!!!

A little background, my husband whom I have been married to for 17 years but separated for 6 months is an alcoholic/addict and has been sober today for 104 days!!!!! I am very proud of him!!! I feel like I am the one who has the problem now. I know it sounds crazy but I just CAN NOT MAKE myself fall in love with him. I have feelings for him, I mean, after all he is my highschool sweetheart (gone bad), the father of my 2 beautiful children, and the person that I cared for and took care of for years. When he needed something, I got it for him. I rode his roller coaster with him for years and even "dabbled" in some of the things he "used". I have been by his side thru it all!!!!

So, at this time, he has a good job and gives me money every week. He comes and visits at least once a week and we get intimate at times. He calls everyday and checks on me and the kids. I work double shifts on the weekend so he comes and gets the kids every weekend just about. He hasn't drank or used in 104 days. He gets on his knees and SWEARS that he is DONE with drugs and alcohol.

But, he has had a few blow ups in the last month....just PURE drama. I felt like it was because he is wanting what he wants and he's not getting it. He is not working a program. He is not going to meetings. He works, rolls cigarettes, and spends time with me and the kids.

NOW, here's me......I have been VERY depressed sever since he has popped back into my life which has only been this last month. When he started getting sober (this go around) I begged for his attention, I begged for his love, I begged for him to let me be there with him but I got NOTHING!!!!!! And yes, I am codependent (obviously lol). So I finally decided that I was DONE, DONE, DONE!!!!! Told him I wanted a divorce. And then WHAMMO!!!! He POPS back into my life!!! I am SO confused and mad and hurt and happy and sad. I'm just a mess!!! Why can I NOT love him? Why can I not open up and let him in? I don't want to hurt him and I feel like I need to take care of him. He wants me to love him soooo bad, and I do love him but I'm just not in love with him. I have an appointment next week with an alcohol/addiction experienced counselor. I'm hoping that she can help me see the light....whichever way it may be.
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