Hi Free. Thank you for your last post because you sound like you really have it together despite what you are going through and are a rather strong person. That is inspiring for me. So thanks!
I just want to share that I have very recently felt so many of the things you are going through right now. Being betrayed, discounted, and as if I had done something "wrong." When in fact, I was (and still am) just trying to live my life the best and healthiest way I know how. I honestly didn't see much effort toward a good and healthy life put forth by the person who did the same "to me" as what this person has done to you.
Alcoholics really are not good partners. The fact that "he just blew up and told me he was done. That I was jealous and controlling and that he didn't want to live like that. He moved out of the house within a couple of days and never turned back." is all just normal alcoholic B.S.
He wants his cake and eat it too and thought he could get that with you. But you're not dumb enough or drunk enough or sick enough to accept this. Not what you signed up for, right?
I am very much like you. I do not like drunk, inattentive, cheating, smelly alcoholics in denial who ignore their obvious problems instead of trying to have a better, more peaceful, and productive life. What is the point in being in a relationship with someone who acts like he is not in a relationship? It's just too much work especially if you are the only one who is putting forth effort.
You have every right to feel what you are feeling; dumped, betrayed, horrified, jealous, angry, abandoned, yes, all the things you feel. I know how hard it is when you feel like you found someone you are compatible with; and you invested your time, resources, affections, and efforts toward what seems like NOTHING.
It sounds to me like you've got a good handle on things, going to Al-Anon, going to therapy, sharing on SR, working on yourself. Whatever you HAVE to feel, go ahead and feel. Things are not as cut-and-dry as some folks might have you think. It's a rather complicated matter to tear all of this apart and put it all back together again in a way that fits for US. Take good care of yourself!