((Free))
I am so glad you found this forum. Miracles happen here every day and thanks to the great people here I have been able to move forward even when I thought I would not.
You will get over this one day and you will have a very very different view about things than the one you have now. You will be ok once again! Much better than ok even, I promise!
I know because I was you about one year ago... very similar story.
Here you learn alcoholics think they are independent, when they are dependent on a substance.
Alcoholics think they are free when in reality they are caged.
Alcoholic think they are unpredictable and they are the most predictable people on Earth.
I agree we are blessed to mourn. For many the pain of real feelings is too great and they avoid it at ALL costs, drinking, taking drugs, going from partner to partner, whatever.
Life SEEMS easy for him because HE HAS THE DRINK to resort to. Imagine if YOU had a magic potion that made it all good whenever you were not happy?
The only thing you did was stand up for yourself. If you were ok with his drinking and cheating and doing whatever, believe me he would still be with you saying you are his everything. But you were not ok living like that and he sensed you were not going to be the doormat he needs that will accept anything for two crumbles of affection.
My favorite links:
Addiction, Lies and Relationships Dependency - Relationship The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Alcoholism is a tragic three act play in which there are at least 4 characters #1)
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Being rejected by the reject...another way to think about it.)
I wish I could ease your pain. It was very hard, very quick, very shocking for me too.
Now I know those are not normal guys.
You could have been any other girl really. For him it is about who accepts his drinking and who doesn't.
I will be sending you good vibes.... mourning is tough. Please do not think he is having a good time. For someone who does not know him well it may seem he is happy but for us who know alcoholism, it is obvious he is just getting deeper into it and has not learned much from the experience with you. And there is nothing at all happy about that.
You do not know how he really feels. No one knows. I have lived in pain for a year thinking he was just skating while I had the worse time of my life and it is not worth the pain.
The truth is that your ex did not respect the relationship and you had no way to know he was not a social drinker but an alcoholic.
Even if it hurts you were saved from much much hurt. Alcoholics turn to verbal abuse often. Then to physical abuse. Imagine if you had kids? What kind of life would he had given all of you?
What you feel is nothing compared to the hell a life next to an alcoholic ensures. I told a recovered alcoholic in AA I felt I was living in hell after this breakup and he just patted me and said "Sugar.. you do not KNOW hell"
Please remember God/HP saved you from further hurt when more things would be at stake. Its outstanding you are already going to Al anon!!
(HUGS)