Thread: Tired of Failure
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Old 10-09-2009, 12:13 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Learn2Live
To thine own self be true.
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I'm tired of failing at this.
Try not to think of it as either succeeding OR failing. Just think of it as you are just PRACTICING. I think you're being too hard on yourself.

It keeps coming back to the same thing. The truth is I don't want to quit.
How many times have you tried to "quit"? If you don't WANT to quit and have no desire to quit or any motivation to quit, all you can do is either quit TRYING to quit OR CREATE that wanting, create that desire, or create that motivation. You may just not be there yet. Recovery is a PROCESS, not something you get or can hold in your hand. And LIFE is a Process; you get up, you fall down, you hold onto someone or something else, you pull yourself up again, and on and on. Once you fall down enough times, you will find a NEW way to pull yourself back up. You're not failing at ANYTHING.

The problem is I can't get past that point therefore I'm still trying to "manage" my addiction... I'll continue in limbo forever until it kills me.
Why do you need to get past this point? Have you even settled into "managing" your addiction? Do you know what "managing" your addiction means? I think you're just uncomfortable with doing this thing that is new. Give yourself some time.

Limbo is not fatal. What's fatal is the progressive, incurable, insidious disease of addiction, which includes alcoholism.
I don't really have withdrawls, ever! I can go 2 days, but I always find a way after I'm feeling great to start up again. Help me!
Me neither; I never have withdrawals. I can go a year. I've been told and have told others many times, BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU START FEELING GREAT. When I start feeling great, I have to purposefully and mindfully calm myself down. Just like when I start feeling anxious. I have to stop and examine what I am doing right now that is causing these anxious feelings. Try it.

I want it to be over so badly.
I know what you're saying here but no, you don't. If it were OVER, you'd be DEAD. Sounds to me like you are having trouble with feeling your feelings and sitting in them for a while. Are you going to meetings and SHARING your feelings? Do you even know what your feelings ARE? Many of us do not feel our feelings, are scared of our feelings, are panicked by our feelings, numb our feelings, etc.

There is a cool little book you can prolly get on Amazon for a couple bux. It's called "Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?" by a guy named John Powell. Check it out if you can. It helped me a lot.

You can DO this. I have no doubt.
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