I understand!..... but more than that.... Most of us understand! Rollercoasting is not all together fun all the time! Giving time - TIME is needed yet so hard to wrap around. The thing is the longer we are away from that drink/drug.... the more we'll understand and know ourselves. In the meantime, crap! Feelings, emotions, all of it --- IS RIGHT THERE IN OUR FACE!
Breathe! All will change! Support, honest and loving support, is essential! So many ways to obtain that if you don't already have that in place.
I just want ya to know, I'll be here for ya! It's not a "feel good" place right now and I got your back! Shout out anytime!
Wish I could be more helpful!