Originally Posted by
worthyoflove 
My daughter was being honest about how she was feeling and letting him know the reason she was not as quick as she has been previously. His reaction is telling her that it is not okay to be honest or you will be subjecting yourself to a putdown. I was glad she was able to recognize and express that she was tired. Invalidating someone's feelings is inappropriate and abusive. I asked about NA because I thought that was the behavior that was done to him while he was growing up.
I actually disagree.
Your first post stated that teacher said she will "get no mercy" because she is tired.
It wasn't a "put down" or an "invalidation".
A put down would have been:
you are a bad person because you are tired
An invalidation would have been:
you aren't tired
What he said as far as I can tell was that in his opinion it wasn't relevant to the lesson that she was tired.
You don't need to be "yes-ed" to be validated, there is a difference.
Would it have been more "pc" if he had said "I hear that you are tired but I'd really like you to push yourself today" ... probably
very few people in life respond in the manner directly above ...
I was definitely "invalidated" as a child, harshly, by my mother. I am careful with my children but it is sort of a general practice. I do not analyze every interaction they have with every teacher/instructor/etc ...
There is a balance between building healthy individuals and "coddling" them because you are worried about how they will respond to invalidation.
Also, it is not such a bad lesson for your daughter to learn that with some people she might really have to be forceful to be heard.
That she might have to repeat : "teacher I am really truly exhausted and need your understanding today"
It is all a part of learning how to navigate through life.
I also don't believe his being in NA (if he is) has anything to do with it.
Most people who I know that are really working a program are much more "sensitive" to these issues than the "average" person anyway.