Outvoid

Until he comes to terms with his addiction, there is nothing you can do to change this.

All you can do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Let me tell you a story:

Three years ago, I had dropped out of my 12-step programs. I was smoking pot on a daily basis, drinking at bars, and hanging out with a number of women who were not in recovery.

My wife begged me to go back to the program and to get help, but I insisted that I was doing fine and suggested that she had a problem and she was responsible for screwing up things.

Sound familar?

My wife loved me very much but she had take care of herself; she had to have safety in the relationship. She went to Al-Anon, COSA, and Narc-Anon meetings for a year, then she moved out.

She told me that she didn't want a divorce yet, but that she could not live with me as long as I was not working a program of recovery. It was very difficult for her financially, but she managed.

It was also the best thing she could've done, both for herself and for me. When she stopped enabling my behavior, she forced me to take a good hard look at my life.

I decided that my love for my wife and, more importantly, my recovery was more important to me than my drug and alcohol use.

We have been in marriage counseling for two years, both of us working our own programs (me: SAA, AA; her: COSA, Al-Anon), and have developed a true intimacy, true appeciation for each other, and our commitment has deepened.

Yet, none of this would've been possible if my wife did not have the courage to say, "Enough is enough" and to protect herself.

I empathize with you and your difficult situation because I was once like your partner. I hope that you will do what you need to to take care of yourself.

--Outvoid--