Originally Posted by
imtheidiot 
“I’ve done all these things for you (moved to Montreal, got a full-time job, left my friends behind, etc etc), and what have you done for me?”
“A lot of the same things.”
“Well, ok, if I quit drinking…no, if I REDUCE my drinking, what will you do for me?”
(Bargaining much??!)
“No that’s not how it works. You can quit drinking for yourself, if you want to, but don’t do it for me.”
“Ooooh, I see, that’s not it works” (Insert extreme sarcasm here) “And what will you do if I do that?”
“I’m going to work on myself, find what makes me happy and go do it.”
Silence
“Fine, forget I even offered.”
“Ok, I will.”
Sounds to me like you handled that wonderfully well!
Originally Posted by
imtheidiot Things are awkward now. He just gave me a peck on the lips this morning before leaving. He doesn’t email me at work. He doesn’t try to have sex with me. Our contact is at a bare minimum.
I’m wondering what I do now…this void between us is very uncomfortable and I’m almost itching to call him, or email him to apologize and “make things better” between us, just to kill the discomfort. It’s taking everything I’ve got NOT to do that, because I get the feeling that perhaps this discomfort is necessary. Perhaps it’ll help him realize how precarious things really are.
Of course it is uncomfortable. If he is giving you the silent treatment or avoiding you, you may recognize this as "quacking." Its designed to hook you back in, reach for his attention, start fixing him again. You've set a boundary and he does not like it, you can expect that he will resist.
The key point, though, of taking care of yourself and giving your stepson information to take care of himself, is that these things are designed to help YOU. They are not to try and make your husband get better, that is not in your power or control. Keep making these great steps, and remind yourself that this is about YOU finding peace and serenity in your life. Your husband's peace and serenity are his own job.
I think you are making great progress! Have you gone to an in-person AlAnon meeting yet?