Dear Skeetermag,
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I am usually in friends/family of Alcoholics and Mental Heath, but your thread caught my eye.
I went through something somewhat similar. My SO is a recovering alcoholic with depression. He was booted out of in-patient rehab about a month ago, and instead of telling me, relapsed blah blah blah... When I wouldn't let him come back to live in my home, he tried some shelters for a day or two. I called him on the third day and he was sitting in my house (I was at work) and told me he was contemplating suicide. I told him to hang up and check himself into the hospital -- and he did. He checked himself in and spent two weeks in the mental ward. It was a very difficult time, but I was grateful he was somewhere safe. I was extremely shaken by the whole thing. It made me feel horrible that he was in such a dark place... and worried that it would not get any better for him/us/our family (we share a daughter). I fear that even if we get through this episode, down the road when there is stress, suicide would again be seen as an option to him.
I don't have any real advice for you except that you didn't cause this, you can't fix it, and you can't control it. I know it is difficult. I know because I love my stupid guy, too. It can be used as a form of manipulation and you are smart to be aware of it, even if you might end up falling victim to it. I feel that if I don't see my man through therapy, he may decide he has nothing to live for. How codependant does that sound? LOL
In order to live with myself, I've decided to support him in his "good" decisions, such as going to the doctors and checking himself in. Doing his therapy, and using new tools to communicate honestly (and positively) with me and to himself.
Regardless of what your man decides, you need to take care of YOU. If he slammed something hard enough to break your finger, then that is not a safe place for you. Is there someone can be with you? I feel for you worrying alone in a hotel. Please take care of yourself tonight. Alanon has been a huge help to me. I don't know if you go to narc-anon.. or whatever it is called, but that may be a good place to find support.
Please take care of yourself and let me know how you're doing.
(((((HUGS TO YOU )))))
BooCatGirl