Saphie you are making perfect sense, I was right there where you are at now and for many years I had no idea how to deal with that stuff, it would keep getting worse and worse and I would wind up drinking again to escape that hell.
When I was in detox they kept telling us if we wanted a chance to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
Well to be honest I did not see how going to meetings and getting a sponsor could possibly help me deal with the guilt, shame, anger, resentments, etc. I dealt with in sobriety, but I was desperate to stay sober so I wnet to those meetings and the meetings alone surprisingly did help...... but they were still there, just beneath the surface festering......
Well in those meetings I kept hearing those folks who seemed to be enjoying life say that they too had felt everything I was feeling and what set them free from all of that was taking the steps with a sponsor. In one meeting a guy asked "When should I start taking the steps?", an old timer said "When you are ready for the pain to stop."
Well at about 2 months sober I was starting to get really squirrely and cam VERY close to relapsing, I switched sponsors and started taking the steps with him..... Well those steps I had kept hearing about I found to be the solution I had been seeking for life for so many years in a bottle, but with out the pain that went with it.
All that you speak of now I found relief from by taking the steps with a sponsor. It did not happen instantly, but it did happen, the more work I did taking and applying the steps, the better things got for me.
DO not get me wrong, I do not have a perfect life, BUT when problems arise today I have a solution I use to get through the rough times and I basically live life on lifes terms sober and happy.
All BB quotes are from the First Edition of the BB
Sobriety date 18 Sept. 2006
Sober today thanks to AA