A slurring buffoon - yup, been there. I know exactly how you feel. I've been through all of that. I'm shy & self-conscious, & when I discovered alcohol it seemed like such a blessing. I never wanted to acknowledge what it was doing to me, though - the way you are. Be thankful.
I recognize how difficult it is being young and having to make the decision to stop all together. The way you describe what happens to you when you drink is scary. You are putting yourself in danger - and as you said, nothing good comes of it. Because I refused to see what I was doing to myself, I ended up with 3 DUI's, ruined finances, poor health, destroyed relationships - the list goes on. You never have to go there. We are rooting for you. Are you considering trying AA meetings?