I agree with Anna - thats a huge step...I think a lot of us are pretty good at manipulating things - I know I was, long before I took my first drink.
It's scary as all get out to face that and go backstage as it were and actually look at what we're *really* doing...
I think it's a very necessary step to take tho, Matt - a lot of my motivations were bound up in my desire to avoid facing stuff I needed to...
Just keep reminding yourself that you're not alone in any of this...you have a lot of friends here who 'get' this....and you're not a bad guy
D