Hi Kirbe,
Where to start, your girls maybe. It is best to talk to them, for so many reasons. If you are worried about what to say then talk to your pediatrician, enlist help from an addiction counselor…
Children tend to know much more than we think they do…and they see the chaos and think it is somehow their fault, very normal but then not something they need to take personal. It will also help to have it all out in the open. I spoke to my kids and my 2 younger ones were that age. Actually my husband and I both sat with them and he spoke, he talked of what they knew, and what they didn’t. He kept it light, but wanted them to understand what was going to happen in terms of wd, because he as kicking opiates at home with his doctors blessing, and all that goes with that. As the years have went by it was the best thing we did and has opened the door up for some very other important conversations, one that shares with them that they are at risk to becoming addicts, and that they wouldn’t know it and to be real careful what they think might be fun, because fun can really quick turn into hell. They so impress me each day and how they view this is just awesome.
You can keep this really simple, daddy is sick, addiction is a brain disease, it will get worse or better and that will be by his choice. That he doesn’t drink because of them or you but that he needs help and there isn’t anything anyone can do to help him until he is ready to seek it out himself. They will have questions so as I wrote earlier seek out some guidance if you feel you need to…don’t ever be afraid to ask for help, ask questions….
For you try to remove the fear it doesn’t help and long as your husband is breathing there is hope. The fear traps almost everyone and then runs the shows and every reaction around. I am sure you understand that there is nothing you can do to make him stop drinking, and that there isn’t anything you can do to make him drink. Make sure you give him the ball and let him live within the consequences of his actions. No covering up, no hiding, no making excuses for, no blame, no shame, no guilt trips…
I am very sorry that you lost your dad to this disease, such sadness…
But this might also be very important to look at because I wonder have you healed from that, from the past…what were you exposed to and well you could do something so positive in all of this and that is break the cycle…
Take good care of yourself, and your girls, trust me when I say he is capable of taking care of him…
Inciting Silence