That's how I feel about my XAH. And it does suck, and it is tragic and sad. What helps me out is taking the focus off of him, and realizing that I truly have NO power over it, and therefore, it is A-OK with my higher power if I just let it go...I know, believe me, I know, how much it hurts to think about someone you love hurting that much, but....how long are you willing to be a hostage to it? I think our HP wants, for me and for you, to do for ourselves and let them do for themselves.