Sad - and I'm not talking about the seasons
I am feeling deep sadness, and it's family oriented, and perhaps even greater than that - universal. My sister is "passively suicidal." In the last two week I have "marshaled the forces" of my connections in the mental health community where I live, and we haves responded to her requests for help extending from body-work to therapy to house-cleaning. And I have also tried to be diligent in not directing her choices. Just pisses her off.
Last night, after a day of collaborative work with her to find a solution to her suicidal depression, she called me from the psych ward where she had checked into and said she would not stay. She was most upset because she couldn't read her book past 10:00 p.m.
So now she is on her own, passively suicidal, living in filth, and I feel once again, a fool-for having the egoic idea that I could help.
I know there is no solution for this kind of situation. I'm just writing it out for my own benefit and to get the experiene of those of you who have been here with their loved ones . . . it sucks and it is sad. End of story for tonight.