What's this "someone like me doesn't deserve to be here" business? Somebody thinks you do. You are there. I know when we realize what we've drank away it can be horrifying. But it's what you do from here on in that's important
Don't worry about the higher, higher education. Everything in its own time. Take these steps in faith. There's some mighty good advice in this thread.
A friend of mine here said something to the effect that we got off the path. On our way back to it, we trip over the brush and brambles we created. I believe that God, Universe, Life - whatever your concept is - supports us when we take those steps, even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment. Five minutes before the good stuff happens it hasn't happened yet and you can't see it.:praying