please dont be afraid to ask for help. get to a meeting and reach your hand out. the people in aa have saved my butt so many times. sounds like its time to surrender and admit defeat to alcohol "your higher power". put down the bottle and pick up the big book..... it will save your life. stop the denial, think about where drinking has got you in the past and present, jails, institutions, and well.... on your way to death.. please get help... we are here for you.:praying