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Old 09-25-2009, 06:05 AM   #1 (permalink)
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It keeps getting worse


Everything fell apart about 6/7 months ago and I was saved from death (and also the state of walking death that I had been in) by being locked up for 8 days, detoxed and medicated. Subsequently I was able to do some controlled drinking for a couple months before being completely sober for a month and a half. Everything in my life was going great for awhile, and I then gave in to the first drink. Since that time I have been unable to stop and am drinking as much or more everyday as I was 6/7 months ago. My health is shot physically and mentally right now, I've come close to killing myself 2 times in the last week, I can't sleep, my family has abandoned me after reconnecting with them... although they apparently care since they've been calling doctors. Everyone is telling me to get help and all I want is to be left alone.

I do have an appointment with the VA on Tuesday though and I may ask for help.
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Old 09-25-2009, 06:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
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well its excellent that youve come on here, theres lots of people that have great words and wisdom to share. Please dont stop trying to get help, its too hard trying to do it alone. hang in there.......
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Old 09-25-2009, 06:20 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR biravatch65, reach out for help, it is there for the asking there are solutions for alcoholism, I found one that works for me.

You can get detoxed through the VA and I think you can go thhrough rehab with them also.
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Old 09-25-2009, 06:23 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm sure your family cares, but in a way they feel more helpless than you and I do understand why you want to be left alone. When it's that far gone we believe we have only one friend - booze. "WRONG". It's not a friend, it's like a georgeous lover that keeps cheating on us and we still go back for more. You have done it before, you can do it again. If you can't wait until your appointment, please go to any ER for help. They will help to detox you and you will think more clearly. A drink won't - it will make you feel 100times worse when you wake up. Been there, done that like probably most of us. Otherwise stay online and keep posting and reading.
Stay strong.
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Old 09-25-2009, 06:41 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Thanks

I often question whether I'm an alcoholic or just crazy. It seems like an easy way out to just drink yourself to death.
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I often question whether I'm an alcoholic or just crazy.
In my experience those 2 things go hand in hand. I hope your appointment at the VA goes well, best wishes!
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:09 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Why R U still questioning yourself?
Look what, where, when, why and how the booze got U 2 this site and yr appointment at the VA.
Please stay close to Sr and keep that appointment.I agree with Saphie..go 2 the ER if U can't make it 2 the Tuesday VA appontment.
Stay strong.
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:15 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Why R U still questioning yourself?
Look what, where, when, why and how the booze got U 2 this site and yr appointment at the VA.
Please stay close to Sr and keep that appointment.I agree with Saphie..go 2 the ER if U can't make it 2 the Tuesday VA appontment.
Stay strong.
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his liquor drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:17 AM   #9 (permalink)
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The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his liquor drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
yes very true,, but it doesnt have to be like that,, there is so many people on here that is proof of that........ so keep reaching out....
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I don't question that anymore, I know I'm a 'crazy alcoholic'. I just want to add "recovering" from now on. Forgive me, I didn't mean to make light of your situation, but was hoping to maybe get a smile. Sense of humor helped me a lot. Joking aside though, drinking yourself to death is not an easy way out. It might seem that way when you are passed out, but the reality is totally different.
I know I need to reflect and make peace with myself and my torment. I'm hoping SR will help us with what seems an impossible objective.
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:21 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I don't question that anymore, I know I'm a 'crazy alcoholic'. I just want to add "recovering" from now on. Forgive me, I didn't mean to make light of your situation, but was hoping to maybe get a smile. Sense of humor helped me a lot. Joking aside though, drinking yourself to death is not an easy way out. It might seem that way when you are passed out, but the reality is totally different.
I know I need to reflect and make peace with myself and my torment. I'm hoping SR will help us with what seems an impossible objective.
I didn't take any offense to it...
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:25 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm not big in AA by any means but I do read the Big Book and occasionally join in on online meetings on another site. The first two steps come to my mind when I read your line about whether you're an alcoholic or just crazy.

1. Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives became unmanageable.
Basically saying "I'm an alcoholic and need help."

2. Came to believe in a greater power than ourselves to restore us to "sanity."
Basically saying "I'm crazy and need help."

So basically, I guess in your situation (and millions of other people) you could be both...alcoholic and crazy. It's time for a change. I'm glad you joined SR. There are lots of loving and supportive people who are willing to help you out.
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:30 AM   #13 (permalink)
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biravatch65 I have been through the gates of hell, a group of sober alcoholics came by, I held my hand out to them for help and they took me by my hand and told me to follow the path they had followed.

These folks knew the way out from the hell I was in, they had been there before and they to were led out.

Step 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than our-selves could restore us to sanity.

These sober alcoholics as they led me along that path helped me to find and believe in a Power greater then myself. This Power that I found, a Power of my choice and understanding restored my sanity after I did the needed work to help Him do so.

I lived the insanity you speak of, there was more then once that my actions and thinking led me to conclude that I must be nuts, because a sane person would not do or think like I did.

biravatch please speak to the VA doctor about this.
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:36 AM   #14 (permalink)
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please dont be afraid to ask for help. get to a meeting and reach your hand out. the people in aa have saved my butt so many times. sounds like its time to surrender and admit defeat to alcohol "your higher power". put down the bottle and pick up the big book..... it will save your life. stop the denial, think about where drinking has got you in the past and present, jails, institutions, and well.... on your way to death.. please get help... we are here for you.:praying
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:40 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Well the fact that you're here, you have an appt at the VA and you're quoting the 'big book' tells me you know recovery is possible.

It's a choice, and I'm glad you're making the steps you can to change your life.

Welcome.
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:47 AM   #16 (permalink)
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biravatch65 I have been through the gates of hell, a group of sober alcoholics came by, I held my hand out to them for help and they took me by my hand and told me to follow the path they had followed.

These folks knew the way out from the hell I was in, they had been there before and they to were led out.

Step 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than our-selves could restore us to sanity.

These sober alcoholics as they led me along that path helped me to find and believe in a Power greater then myself. This Power that I found, a Power of my choice and understanding restored my sanity after I did the needed work to help Him do so.

I lived the insanity you speak of, there was more then once that my actions and thinking led me to conclude that I must be nuts, because a sane person would not do or think like I did.

biravatch please speak to the VA doctor about this.
AA is everywhere in Cleveland and Akron, and I do believe that AA works. I just don't feel like I can make it back unless I get locked up for a few days on Tuesday. Or maybe I will try to do it through the weekend.
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:49 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Well the fact that you're here, you have an appt at the VA and you're quoting the 'big book' tells me you know recovery is possible.

It's a choice, and I'm glad you're making the steps you can to change your life.

Welcome.
Thanks. I've read your posts and you always make it sound so easy to do

It doesn't seem that way right now though.
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:52 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Hi Briar,

I am glad you're here posting.

Going to see your dr is a good idea. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous. And, it is hard to do, but you can do it.
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:57 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I don't want to die, I just don't want to live.
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Old 09-25-2009, 08:05 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I don't want to die, I just don't want to live.
yes i know that feeling but hang in there, it will get better once you take the steps to recover...
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