Marigolds

My father in law is what I think you'd call a dry drunk, my MIL is very co-dependent and passive-aggressive. Thanks to al-anon, I'm trying very hard to disengage from them, but I think I have a long, long ways to go.

One thing I don't know how to cope with is his insults to her. He is constantly ridiculing her, putting her down in front of others, thinks he's just a real hoot. It's disgusting. For example, for no apparent reason, he kept telling her she needed to start coloring her hair, all her gray hair makes her look like an old lady. He repeated it several times in front of friends & family. She just sits there when he does this, looking uncomfortable. So does everyone else in the room. Nobody says anything. Sometimes there are uncomfortable chuckles.

I know this is their own problem, but somehow it doesn't feel right ignoring it. I never laugh when he does this, but don't know what else to do.

Secondly, I'm terrified that my husband, being raised like this, will think this is a normal way to treat a woman. I have told him when he hurts my feelings, he gets defensive and says I'm too sensitive.