Hi everyone,
It's my first day here -- I'm four days not drinking and still trying to figure it all out. It's going OK now, but I'm a little worried about how to deal with the weekend. And how to tell my DH that I've quit. Not quite sure I'm ready for that discussion.
I have been thinking about quitting drinking for a few months, and on Saturday morning decided I was done. We've been going through a really stressful period in our house -- DH is in school, out of work, and I've been drinking more and more over the past 12
months since he's been out of work. Had a bad couple of evenings in the past few
months, and then Friday night was the kicker.
We actually got good news -- DH got a job! He was out of town when he got the
news and was on his way home, and we were going to celebrate. But he wasn't
going to be home until around midnight, so I went out with some friends to hang
out and socialize, and got a little tipsy. Nothing big. I walked home, and when
I got home DH was there waiting for me, angry that I hadn't been there waiting
for him to arrive. (Even though he knew I was going to be out -- he thought I
would be home before he got there. I was only 10 minutes behind him.)
As often happens when I've been drinking, what could have been a little
disagreement blew up into a major fight. And it's still ongoing. I honestly
don't know if he's being controlling, or if my drinking is a problem (or the
problem), or if we're both just so done over with stress that the littlest thing
made us both blow up. I don't know why this fight is happening now, when we've
got good news. And I know I can't pin it on his drinking, like I do sometimes
when these things blow up. He was definitely sober that night, but is also a
heavy drinker. I'd say we drink a few beers each 5 out of 7 nights a week.
I was almost ready to leave him Friday night. Packed a bag and everything. But
then I couldn't decide if I was overreacting because of the alcohol, or what.
I'm still thinking maybe I should leave, but I still don't know if I'm thinking
clearly about the situation.
I think I'm done with drinking, although I am not quite ready to say I'm done
forever and ever. I honestly don't know where to begin, except for joining this
group. I read through some of the SOS materials on the web, and also read
through some materials on Smart Recovery. They make a lot of sense. I just don't
know if I want to say I'll never drink again.