Al-Anon talks a lot about us not being able to change the alcoholic in our life but they talk more about us in how we deal with them and in our life in general. Robert was always very threatened by me going to Al-Anon. Most drunks are threatened because if they were not a drunk, we likely would not be going. And if they were not addicted, they would not care what kind of meeting we went to, so that speaks volumes for how sick their minds are.
I have changed a lot in the last several months. My pity for Robert is gone. I am still angry, but I'm using that anger to keep me on the right course because I know if I fell back into his manipulative cycle of drinking/denial and all the emotions that go with it, I would be back where I was about a year ago. I don't want to go back there again. Love does not hurt, emotionally or physically. Alcoholics hurt those they say they love. It doesn't matter if they are sorry & it doesn't matter if they say they love us. It only matters that they refuse to get help for their addiction. It begins and ends with their inability to get help. Women deserve better than that. I know there are some men in the same boat with drunk women. I feel badly for them as well as it hurts as much for them. I have known more men who had addiction problems than women.
Watching the A&E Intervention program has also helped me a lot. I believe that some people can be helped but they have to WANT the help. Otherwise, nothing changes...so WE must change in order to make our life a good one - even if it's not what we originally wanted.