Mitsy

I used to post on the AA/Al-Anon board through the Good Housekeeping web site. They merged the AA with the Al-Anon boards and I don't think that was necessarily the best idea they had. I will say that I gained a lot of knowledge and support from some of the posters who were in AA and are now sober and healthy. Some could be a bit judgmental though and I took offense a couple times when I felt like my thoughts or feelings were twisted in some way.

But, in the end, when it comes to children in these volatile situations, that can rile up people's feelings in a dramatic way. My particular angst came from my posts about my ex-boyfriend's daughter who really liked me. I got along well with her Mom and had known her for a number of years. Part of my "letting go" process with Robert has been the fact that Robert was verbally & emotionally abusive to his daughter. He also threw her cell phone a couple times. She has been very afraid of him. Yet, her Mom has gone over there, argued with him and said she wasn't coming back to his house ONLY to let her go back over there the very next week. I was disgusted with all aspects of this situation but since I was not related to the child, I felt like there was little I could do. She's 13 and now old enough to voice her wishes as far as custody goes. Robert & his ex-wife have been divorced for many years and she is re-married so it's not like she's dealt with his alcoholism herself (he did not drink like this when they were married).

Part of my detachment process from him has been seeing all the enabling that has been going on around him. This would not be limited to his ex-wife but his employer, some of his other family members and even some of his friends. I decided that if I continued to deal with this man, even in phone conversations, that I was enabling the behavior to continue. It is HIS responsibility to get sober. I can't make him and unfortunately, you can't make your ex want to quit the booze. It really is like what Al-Anon preaches and that is that you have to let them fall and not be there to catch them because that just keeps them from bottoming out any sooner. I have resigned myself that I might get a call one day that will tell me that Robert is dead. I will be sad and I will grieve but I will know that I did all I could to help this man and yet he continued to drink. Perhaps, you can one day tell yourself that you did all you could and realize that your only choice is to get out and take care of yourself and your kids. Truly, I never ever dreamed I'd get involved with an alcoholic or fall in love with him. But, I did and I have come through the storm perhaps knowing a lot more than I did before about alcoholism, life and about what true peace is. I wish peace & happiness to you & your kids.