The more I post here, the more I think that 12-steps are not for me. I have spent years trying to believe in something. But my experience in rehab really destroyed that possibility.
And without getting those first three steps, I will not get to the fourth one where you finally get to work with a sponsor.
The more I post the more I think that 12-step programs are not for me. I need more one-on-one and some practical help with this. There are so many rules in the fellowships for what is the right way to recover. I do not really care--I just want to recover. If it having a friend sit with me keeps me from calling a dealer, I do not want a sponsor or a meeting telling me I was wrong to do that.
Being honest helps me and when I am honest about where I am and cravings at meetings, I am told that I need to share more strength and hope. And I could put a positive spin on everything like the others do. But that does not help. I think a lot of people go out because they only share upbeat versions of their experience rather than really describing the difficulties they go through.
No one at a meeting wants to hear that you are having difficulty staying clean. And I really need to be open about the difficulties.