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Old 09-20-2009, 08:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Where are the sponsors?


It does not seem to matter what the fellowship or if it is a meeting of 10 or 50, only two people ever raise their hands as being available for sponsorship.

And they are rarely people you would actually want in your life. The people who seem like they would be suited never seem to be available.

It is so hard to get a sponsor. The ones who do it well are too overburdened. (Once I ran into a sponsor on the street and he forgot I was one of his sponsees.)

Also, no one seems to agree on what a sponsor is supposed to do. Mine says he will work the steps with me when I am ready for step 4. Other people talk to their sponsors all the time.

I guess what I really want is someone who can talk to me about recovery more one on one. Since leaving rehab years ago, I do not really have anyone. I never knew any alcoholics or addicts socially before rehab and I still do not. Maybe I do not need a sponsor to do this, but I never was the kind of person who could talk to strangers at parties and meetings are even worse.
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Old 09-20-2009, 08:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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A sponsor is a recovered addict/alcoholic who been through the 12 steps of recovery. unfortunately though people want to recover then just get on with thier lifes, missing the whole point of whats really on offer here, (working with others), i sponsor people in the double figures and i do this be cause its a pleasure, it keeps me clean/sober, and i owe it to the man who passed it on to me.
not everybody does this though and this is the reason why we who do the work are inundated with sponsee's. QUOTE; from winston churchill "never has so much been owed by so many to so few" out of context i know, but seems to be quite applicible in this case.

I expect my sponsees to ring me every day at a certain time, read the big book everyday, ring two newcomers, get on knees morning and night, meet with me at least once a week where we will do step work. this is not hard and it gives me so much back. please, if you have done the work start to sponsor and the rest of us wont have to sponsor so many......... good luck in your search. i hope you find what your looking for. peace and fellowship to you, god bless
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Old 09-20-2009, 09:40 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hey Miami I hope you get a decent sponsor. Trickies post makes sense thats the stuff most sponsors should be involved in. I'm still working the steps with my sponsor, step 8... but I hope when I finish i'll have the privilege to work with others...
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Old 09-20-2009, 10:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
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How many years do you have? You said that you left rehab years ago? Just wondering because if you have some time sponsoring is a great way of staying in the loop of doing the work. Sponsoring is a great way to stay sober.

Have you shared that you are looking for a sponsor? Instead of just looking at those who are raising their hands at the end of the meeting. I know finding a sponsor takes some time and patience. Don't give up.
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Old 09-20-2009, 11:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by miamifella View Post
And they are rarely people you would actually want in your life. The people who seem like they would be suited never seem to be available.

Maybe I do not need a sponsor to do this, but ...
Ain't that the truth? The meetings I see in my home town, the only time you get people to raise their hand to sponsor is when the requester is rich or a pretty girl.

If you're neither of those, you're gonna be stuck with that mean old orthodox fundamental step-working bstard.

I'll sponsor ya. I'm in step 4 now. You're free to catch up.

Sit with why you have chosen A.A. as your path to sobriety. Maybe reread the book up to page 65. Consider if you want to and if you are willing to do each of these 12 proposals... no matter what. Then look back into your experience at where you are with Step 1; where you are with physical craving once you start to drink (2 or more drinks let's say) and do you have the inability to control the amount once you start? Then look at where you are with ability to stay away from the 1st drink... when you really want/need/desire to. Then look at unmanagability; how are you at running your own life right now... without God. Do you have the notion that your life will be/stay in order if you merely manage well? Or do you need Power... beyond here? Are you willing to set aside everything you think you know about God, Power, meetings, recovery, A.A., the Big Book, SR, etc. and let God take you further in every area of your life? Are you willing to look at, "Any life run on self will can hardly be of success? Are you willing to sit with finding a concept of God where you're the child, and He's the Father? Or you're the agent, and he's the Director, the Principal, the Employer? Are you willing to look at your current agnosticism? Are you willing to start over and be willing... even if you're an atheist, that there is a Power that loves you and has your best interest in mind? If only you would jump the hurdle of "responsibility" and do your part from here forth and seek... do these steps (4-9)... and realize a sponsor cannot do this for you?

They don't even need to do it with you. But I'm doing it. I'm in columns 1 and 2 of my inventory, so you could easily catch up... if you mean business.

Welcome to SR.

PS: When I'm in one of those meeting where the chair person asks if anyone is willing to sponsor, I always raise my hand and nobody ever comes to talk to me. Ever! The only time that happens is when I share my experience strength and hope and someone hears it and comes to me after the meeting and asks me if I'll sponsor them. Now, I don't always say yes. I have a talk with them about booze and whether they're ready to quit for good and all. They usually say yes they have a problem with booze and yes they're ready to quit for good and all, then I ask them if they're ready to do a few things. Then we get going. Now most of those disappear on me.

Last edited by McGowdog; 09-20-2009 at 11:51 AM.
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Old 09-20-2009, 12:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Old 09-20-2009, 12:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I hear ya miami. As a woman it's even harder... Notice how many meetings are, how shall we say, sausage parties? Every woman with enough time and stepwork under her belt is overrun w/sponsees. I have a great sponsor... when I can get ahold of her. Sometimes I leave a voicemail a day for 5 days. It's hard to do stepwork with an inbox. But when we do get a chance to talk and/or meet, it's fantastic.
I will say that my sponsor started me at step one, despite my feeling like I had already "done it". Hehe. I was wrong. She was right. First of many times.
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Old 09-20-2009, 12:48 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I guess for me, i hated to disturb
others even when they told me i
wasnt.

Then I hated to wait on others.
Impatients is what that's called.

Ive always liked being my own boss
even tho my on will got me into
some hot water at times.

For me I lead by examples, just
as examples were left for me to
follow.

It's free and there for the taking
and giving.

I feel like Im a Sponsor to all who
wish to hear, read or listen to my
own experiences, strengths and
hopes.

I think we all can learn a little
something from each other. If
not, take what u want and leave
the rest.
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Old 09-20-2009, 12:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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That is a lot of contact Tricky. Back when I started I used to speak to my sponsors once a week. (There was one who asked me to leave a message on his vm everyday.) After a while in each case there might be a week or two where I could not reach him or did not call. None of them ever called to ask about that and so I figured they were not into speaking to me. Truthfully, I never really understood what we were supposed to be doing anyway or why this mattered.

One I dropped because I did not know that "clubhouse" was a term for 12-step meeting place. He boasted about starting a clubhouse when he lived in Atlanta and I thought he was boasting about having started a sex club.

The fella who will be my sponsor if I ever make it to Step 4 (which I doubt will happen because I have not been able to get Step 2 after many years) is probably the first one who has been upfront with me. He told me that a sponsor is there to work the steps that you can work--that is Step 4 on to 12. I email him once a month or so to check in.

Vegibeen-- At this point I have two weeks. I usually do not go more than a few months without using anymore, so I am no one's idea of a sponsor.

McGowdog--There are some problems with you sponsoring me: I do not believe in god. I did until rehab, but once I started meeting other addicts I stopped thinking that a beneficent god could exist. Also, I think it would be hard for me to work with someone who is only in AA, which it sounds like you are. I only drink after getting high--when I want to come down. It is part of another addiction. I am glad to listen to you (like I listen at AA meetings), but it might be hard for me to speak to you.
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Old 09-20-2009, 01:26 PM   #10 (permalink)
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i have lots of contact with sponsees because the bottom line here is that we are in the business of saving lives. look let me lay it out for you (step one) the doctors opinion, bills story, there is a solution, and more about alcohol, 2 hrs to read that with a sponcee, highlight it and explain it to them. (step 2) agnostics. question ? are you even willing to believe, yes!! right (step 3) how it works, read upto and including step four and highlight. 2hrs max. heres a pen and a pad youve got 1 week to finish step 4, 1 week later, (steps 5,6,7,) heres your step eight which we got from step 4, now go out and make amends after reading step 9 and highlighting. 1 week later lets go through 10, 11, and 12 by reading through the book and highlighting the bits that applie to you and your sponsor. done that !! now lets highlight the rest of the book... well done now go and take someone else through the book.


i never give a big book to a sponcee to read on there own, i might as well give them a chineeze laundry list to look at. this is a simple program... lets keep it that way. god bless
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Old 09-20-2009, 01:46 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Thanks Tricky. I have never had a sponsor take time to do any of that. It may be that here in Florida there are so many rehabs full of people looking for sponsors that demand is higher than supply.
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Old 09-20-2009, 01:54 PM   #12 (permalink)
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keep looking because this is your life were talking about.

i have seen 9 people die in the last year, 3 in the last 4 months, all of them just wanted one more then they would stop.

please, do not stop looking.

god bless
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Old 09-20-2009, 02:40 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I would say shop around meetings more. If you can find some with more sobriety you will probably find more qualified sponsors. I have never encountered the problem you are describing where I go to meetings. And I have to imagine Miami has some pretty good AA if you know where to look.
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Old 09-20-2009, 03:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
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McGowdog--There are some problems with you sponsoring me: I do not believe in god. I did until rehab, but once I started meeting other addicts I stopped thinking that a beneficent god could exist. Also, I think it would be hard for me to work with someone who is only in AA, which it sounds like you are. I only drink after getting high--when I want to come down. It is part of another addiction. I am glad to listen to you (like I listen at AA meetings), but it might be hard for me to speak to you.
McGowdog probably doesn't know this, but in a way I am one of his sponsees... he was "the man" when it came to me really getting inside my first step. Which is exactly where, in my opinion, you need to be right now...

Are you an alcoholic? or an addict?

Do you believe in a power greater than yourself? You don't have to call it God.

Maybe a spiritual solution is not for you, perhaps SMART, CBT or some other secular method.

Keep posting, and as I said over in 12 step, that's a great place to get even more responses about AA in particular. There is also a secular forum, which is a great place to get some more info...

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Old 09-20-2009, 03:17 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I like AA because they do not talk about my specific drug of choice, so I don't get cravings, but I never had any problem with alcohol.

I do not know if 12-steps are for me. I went to meetings on and off for 8 years. It gets me a bit mad that I am supposed to admit I am powerless against my addiction, leaving me with only a "god" to get me clean. I have a friend who once told me that I could stay with him when I got cravings--that seemed really practical to me, but according to 12-steps it is bad recovery because I would be depending on someone else.

We are supposed to be powerless, but are not supposed to use any help other than prayer and junk food? That sounds like a recipe for failure. I think I need something better.

Smart online really turned me off, but someone here said f2f is good.
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Old 09-20-2009, 03:21 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I wish I could get 12-steps to work for me. I keep going back and keep finding nothing I can use---but I keep going back.

Isn't that the definition of insanity? To do the same thing over and over and expect a different result?

I keep thinking I will find a better sponsor or meet someone or something will change if I go to meetings. But I know it probably will not. I will hear how great it is to be clean, but not get much in the way of suggestions off how to get clean.
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Old 09-20-2009, 03:23 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I don't think AA is for you, you don't have a problem with alcohol...

NA may be the way to go to... But you have a problem with powerlessness and higher power... these are the first two steps... you can't go any further, not yet...

Keep posting, there is a lot of wisdom here, and maybe someone can come along with something you need to hear...

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Old 09-20-2009, 03:28 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Meetings where my drug is mentioned seem to be a trigger for me. It is not talked about much in AA and when it is I just leave the room. I have a feeling it could be harder to sit though an NA meeting. They are also hard to find...I have found empty buildings and huge empty churches when I have tried to find NA. So I have not been to NA in years.
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Old 09-20-2009, 03:51 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Miami... maybe some outpatient counseling? group therapy? Help you get your head around this trigger thing?
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Old 09-20-2009, 04:04 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Isn't it normal to have triggers?

I see a psychologist. He has been really helpful--more than any shrink I have had ever. But it does not seem that anyone can really tell you how to stop. Even in 12-step programs they offer a long term solution but do not deal with the short term issue of what to do if you are sitting at home outside of meeting times and want to use.
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