Cath, it has helped me A LOT remember the bad stuff and not get stuck in the "romantic part"! Keep doing it....
Now is the time to put yourself in hands of God/HP.... and don't say you don't have a support system.. you have us..you have nature.. you have God/HP leading you by the hand... you will soon have a new day... can you imagine? a new day in this wonderful planet... your days are finite here you know.. and you have a brand new chance to decide who you are...neither the past or others define you... ONLY YOU DO...right now... you are becoming more truthful to yourself, to share more of what you are, with us and all the others around you... your gifts, qualities and talents... you are growing.
Small steps, don't look at the whole picture, just do "the next right thing"... for me that meant BREATHE!!
Its almost been a year of No Contact for me, and it DOES GET EASIER.. today I started to finally FEEL LIKE MY OWN OLD SELF AGAIN!! I almost cried of joy!! Laughing out loud... and starting to like my current life... remembering excellent friends and times in my life that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO with this diseased person that does not know how to treat a good friend and lady like me! My error was to believe in him more than myself and what I know in my heart is true.
And all the pain before.. has been worth the great gifts given to me... and it will happen to you too... it is like dying and coming back to life with renewed eyes... everything starts making sense, everything feels better, everything looks better... you start to truly feel ALIVE and IMPORTANT and IN CHARGE of your life and with a better "picker" of the people in your life...
Be patient and good to yourself ok? you are just a human and going through a lot. Keep up remembering the bad stuff... even if painful, keep remembering ALL THOSE TIMES where you could have had a good time and you were crying, upset or/and angry... that enough makes me very angry, to know my move to a great city and great job were HORRIBLE when they should have been exciting!!
But I get mourning comes in waves so...
I have remembered funny memories, and starting to be grateful for them... but I also know the monster that hides within... and NO GOOD TIMES are worth any single instance of verbal abuse or cruelty...
It takes time and effort to "fine tune" those feelings... remember the good with a smile and the bad as a lesson learned... but you will get there... believe me if I am getting there you can, too!!
I am rambling... but you are not alone.. many have walked that path and look at them, their sense of peace and joy is extraordinary... you are on that path too!! there is light at the end of the tunnel, there truly is, and when you find you have been loved dearly all this time... trusting God/HP/your destiny.. feeling in your heart you are being protected from worse harm and taken to a better place... that is priceless !
As long as there is hope nothing is lost...
Love is not what you want to feel... love is what you feel without even wanting/pursuing it... you just need to make some space for it to come out again... it was, it is and it will always be in your heart. No one ever can take real love away from you... there is an abundance of it around you, you just need to open your eyes..
HUGS!!