Daisy,
I even have a hard time leaving because of that. I really want to do what God would want me to do! Not only that this is my second marriage to an addict. I leave and look a two time looser!!! I've prayed and asked to be delivered. I've asked where is my Lord! Had he forsaken me? What could I do different? I mean I really haven't done everything perfect. I do have some part to play in all of this to be honest.
Joyce Meyer (a wonderful Christian teacher) has a set of CDs you can get on codependancy and it really helped me see God and balance. Look her up on the web. I also have to look at this and say that I can't fix this on my own. My AH needs to want to change; if not I need to step out of the way and let God be God and handle him. I am not Holy Ghost jr (learned that from Joyce) and I shouldn't be thinking I hold it all together, I really control just about nothing...
As I tell you this, I must admit, I am on the phone to the 700 club constantly for live prayer day and night; just because I'm preparing to leave. I know in my heart I have stayed too long; like you know your done. But I just wish I had that "OK" from God... I mean just send me a post card or something...LOL!
Hang in there... I'll be praying for you... I'm with you on how hard this all is...
HUGSSSS!!!!!