Kari, I love that quote, "If you refuse to do anything to change your situation, you have no right to complain about it." You just summed up my entire relationship with my mother. She does *nothing* to change ANYTHING in her life -- her financial mess, her emotional mess, her unhappiness, her bitterness, her codependency -- but she really enjoys wringing her hands and complaining about it all!!
I've actually said something like this to her, and gotten a similar reaction as well. She's complained to me about my AF as long as I can remember. First it was their marital problems and his drinking and her unhappiness. Then it was the fact that he had the NERVE to find someone else and leave her. She had it all worked out in her head -- she was going to be the one to find someone and leave. But it didn't work out that way, and she can't stand it!
All of these discussions here are so helpful. It's so nice to find people who understand.