hey ADb...your post brought a tear to my eye. I totally get it, feel for you, I am feeling so many of the same things. Then I get bursts of good spirit and strength. Heck I’ve gotten them from your posts in fact! Sorry your at a down point. In my work people have "setbacks" all the time. My job os to reassure them that they will happen. It's the par for the course. Our goal is to make the time between them get larger and larger and the intensity of them when they happen lower and lower. For the most part I think you are doing that quite well.
Addiction or not it is hard to lose someone you cared for, had. Especially when it seems like the demise of it all was not necessary. That they could have just done x, y, and z and it would have been fine. I don’t believe all of what we had (you and I with our significant others) was a lie. Some of it maybe, but there had to be some base of reality there. I have said it before I just need to believe they cared the very best they could but that their best just was not good enough. Sady they are sick, incapable at least at the moment of functioning in a way that we need, in a healthy way. It is heartbreaking though and for me out of mind is the only peace,
I think in time you will be able to talk with his family and not get the flood of emotions. I think this will pass quicker than you think at this moment. You are so far along in your recovery
. You get a
HUGEhug from me at this very moment…can you feel it?