(((Cessy)))
I'm so sorry, sweetie. I remember telling my now XABF "I don't want to be with anyone I can't trust" and he said "well, you'd better find someone else" (he was high) and I STILL stayed with him!!
The only thing I can suggest is get him out and go no contact since it's his words taht reel you in. If it makes you feel better, I've been away from my XABF for about 2 years and I'm still afraid that in a certain frame of mind, I might slip and fall for his words.
I'm sorry you're hurting and I know how bad it feels to be mad at yourself for getting into this situation again, hurt that he went back the pills, and mad that he did it. Your head and heart feel like every emotion is spinning around.
Take some deep breaths and calm down. You know if you confront him, he will mostly lie, so I would just skip that part.
Go back to what Cessy wants and do what you need to do to get there.
Sending you lots of love, hugs:ghug3 and prayers, sweetie. Been there, done that, and it just gets worse and worse if you let it.
Amy