Everytime I post here and I see my own words, I realize that I am not a healthy person
LOL! Me too (especially reading older posts!)
Yesterday I was ok and today I am a mess. The first days and weeks and months are the worst. The first year of any loss is the worst.
September is such a huge trigger for me. The same furniture expo, last year I was crying right in the middle of this huge space, with strangers staring and me and ex telling his friend we were splitting... it was horrible. September rain... the end of September, his birthday and of course I was there telling all his friends, organizing them to celebrate him, buying him pizza and candy and Simpsons boxers. What an idiot. I just want this month to end.
Then come the end of the year celebrations, and I become more depressed and bitter knowing that yup, he's had the time of his life ALL this time and is having it again this year while I've been miserable!!!!!!! and I wish I had my own substance not to feel anything or give a damn anymore... it looks so damn easy for them...... and its mourning all over again............
But one thing is sure... I AM NOT GOING BACK... so whatever I feel is ok AS LONG AS I DONT GO BACK...
harley it sucks seeing them often.... one year and there are so many more feelings to process...but thanks to therapy I know I miss him as a friend, not as a boyfriend, and its true, I miss the friend that I had in this city.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings and rants too
Back to my "improved, wannabe non codie" self... thanks.