I think you said the magic words when you stated that you thought you could do it on your own. Doesn't look like that worked too well, but don't beat yourself up over it. Get some help. I suggest you try AA for starters. Very few of us could do it alone and stay sober for any length of time. I certainly couldn't. But I went to AA out of desperation and have never looked back. The program saved my life and countless others. And it's free - no insurance necessary.